Moving Beyond Betrayal - Martin Wiles

Then David sent for her (Bathsheba), and when she came to the palace, he slept with her. 2 Samuel 11:4 NLT

“I’ve had an affair.”  

Though statistics reveal that most marriages don’t survive unfaithfulness, it doesn’t have to drive the final nail into the coffin. Moving beyond betrayal and saving a marriage is entirely possible. When unfaithfulness occurs, the betrayed must ask and answer several questions.

Is forgiving the right thing to do?

From God’s perspective, forgiveness is always appropriate. Although it may seem impossible, forgiveness should be immediate. As God forgives us when we commit sins against Him, so we must forgive others. His forgiveness is tied to our forgiveness of others (Matthew 6:14-15).

While we can’t forgive in our own power, we can with God’s. Forgiveness may have to be repeated numerous times. The betrayer might not deserve forgiveness, but forgiving is more for our benefit than for theirs. If the betrayer has confessed, expressed sorrow, asked for forgiveness, and reiterated their love, they have shown the signs of true repentance.

What does God want me to do?

God hates divorce; He wants marriages to last. Sometimes, it’s impossible, but many that fail could be saved. While God permits divorce on the grounds of adultery, He never insists that divorce must take place. That—like unfaithfulness—is a choice. Partners willing to work diligently can experience a stronger marriage on the other side of unfaithfulness.

Can I live with my betrayer without trusting them?

Forgiveness and trust aren’t identical. We can forgive without trusting. Trust is like a credit rating. One unwise decision can affect both. And like a credit rating, trust takes years to fully bloom. The question is whether the betrayer is doing their best to restore trust in the marriage.

Do I have to know all the details?

When betrayal happens, adverb questions are common: how, when, where, how often, to what extent, why, and under what conditions. Knowing more makes it more difficult to forgive and re-establish trust. Settle for the simple fact that they have betrayed.

Can I live with my betrayer without bringing up the incident again?

Re-hashing the incident impedes healing. So does assigning blame. We must parrot God, who doesn’t keep bringing up our sins.

What about my spouse initially led me to love them?

Build up the betrayer through prayer and encouragement. Love them unconditionally. Remember, none of us are beyond sin—betrayal included.

Keeping a marriage intact in the face of betrayal is possible. Let God move you beyond betrayal.

Father, help me to forgive those who betray me even as You forgive me when I betray You through sinful acts. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Changing the “S” - Martin Wiles

WISHING ALL OUR READERS A VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS. 

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! 2 Corinthians 5:17 NLT

They labeled her one thing, but she proved she could be something else.

Sent to a new country with a promise from her husband that he would soon follow, Hester Prynne found herself alone with no husband in sight. Loneliness took over. She was pregnant and living in a community that didn’t accept such shenanigans. Rumor had it that the culprit was the preacher. Who didn’t matter.

The town knew the child wasn’t her husband’s. They branded Hester an adulterer and paraded her on a platform for the entire town to gawk at. If that wasn’t cruel enough, they forced her to wear a scarlet “A” embroidered on her blouse for the remainder of her life.

Hester took her punishment well, not showing anger to her fellow townspeople but rather helping them in any way she could. Her actions didn’t change the minds of the religious snobs, but they did impress the average folks. For them, the “A” no longer represented adultery. It stood for “Able.”

According to Paul, no matter what we’ve been labeled with—an “A,” a “D,” or whatever else—things have changed if we’re God’s child. Regardless of what peppered our old lives, our life in Christ overrules it and wipes the slate clean. Like Hester, we can change the meaning of our previous labels.

God says we are born with an “S” on our breasts. Sinner, not a saint. Slave not freeborn. While we choose to sin, we’re really destined to. We don’t come into the world with a clean slate and then become a sinner because we sin. Instead, we arrive with a sinful nature and a bent to do what’s wrong . . . and then we do. 

Trusting Christ as Savior and receiving His forgiveness changes the letter’s meaning. Through God’s power, the “S” (sinner) changes to “S” (saint). Although we don’t achieve perfection—Hester didn’t either—we’re enabled by the Holy Spirit to obey God and love others. Those who may have seen me as a scumbag before can now recognize God’s power to change a person.

Are you still walking around with the original “S?” If so, God can change the meaning.

Father, thank You that in Christ we can become new persons with new desires. 

Tweetable: What name are you wearing? 

Thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts! We also invite you to follow and like us on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram. Help us spread God's encouragement through His Love Lines.

Anger: 12 Things You Should Know Part 3 - Martin Wiles

Fools vent their anger, but the wise quietly hold it back. Proverbs 29:11 NLT

He invited him into his office. His betrayer.  

Her confession came in the quietness of their bedroom. “I’ve betrayed you.” “Only once,” she said, but it had been more. Shock was Jerry’s first emotion. How could she? He was a well-known figure in their small town. Now, everyone would know his wife had been unfaithful. The church would call for his resignation, his profession would be scarred, and his family would have to move.

As Jerry pondered the future, another emotion bubbled: anger. What would he tell the kids? How would he break the news to their parents? What would he say to the person she confessed unfaithfulness with? He was a good friend and church member. After a cooling down period, Jerry chose to forgive him. Uncontrolled anger could have steered him in a different direction.

Anger can be a confusing emotion that propels us in different directions—some unhealthy. Knowing some facts helps deal with it healthily.

Fact 7: Anger affects relationships with God and others. Jerry’s relationship with a good friend was destroyed. Though he forgave, he couldn’t continue their friendship. They both moved on, and so did the betrayer.

Anger often leads to sinful actions. When we regard sin in our hearts, it affects our relationship with God. We can't hear Him clearly when we’re boiling over with anger. We’ll miss opportunities He sends our way.

Fact 8: Anger drives others away. I’ve known a few people in my lifetime who were angry continuously. One was a man I worked with after high school. Life had delivered some disappointing blows. Back surgery at an early age left him walking with a cane and unable to lift heavy items. Low paying jobs, financial struggles, and borrowing from one source to pay another were his norm. Although I remained his friend, many others avoided him because of his bitter spirit.

Fact 9: Anger leads to unwise decisions. The most unwise decision Jerry could have made would have been bodily harm to his wife and her conspirator. Had he let anger seethe in his gut, many other unwise decisions would have followed. Understanding God’s forgiveness of our offenses led Jerry to forgive and helped him avoid dangerous decisions.

When situations arise that anger you, ask God for wisdom to process the anger in healthy ways.

Father, enable me to handle my anger in ways that demonstrate Your love and forgiveness. 

Tweetable: How are you processing your anger? 

Thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts! We also invite you to follow and like us on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram. Help us spread God's encouragement through His Love Lines.

Meandering Monday - Running from Problems - Martin Wiles

Welcome to Meandering Monday, where we take a trip back to an earlier post and enjoy it again.

Elijah was afraid and fled for his life…There he came to a cave, where he spent the night. I Kings 19:3, 9 NLT

Jack was a runner…but not for exercise.

Jack ran from problems—or more accurately addictions. Nor were his addictions chemical. They were sexual. Though he was a happily married man, he had a habit of having affairs. His first was during his military career and with his best friend’s wife. His wife forgave him, but they changed locations by moving across the country. Moving didn’t solve his dilemma. Before long, he had suckered another innocent married woman into his deceptive web. When his wife discovered this affair, they moved back across the country.

Elijah was also a runner. When the wicked queen placed a death threat on his head for killing some of her pagan prophets, he ran for his life. His final destination was a cave. Here, God brought him face to face with his problems: unfounded fear and lack of trust.

Running from problems never leaves them behind; it just puts us in a different location. A better option is examining and admitting why I’m in the predicament. Like Elijah, I have to answer the question, “Why are you here?” Is it fear, lack of trust, a rebellious spirit, or unconfessed and willful sin?

Until I admit my problem, I’ll remain in the cave. Rather than running from my problems, I should run to them by facing them and securing the help I need. The help may come in the form of confession, a Christian counselor, or an accountability partner.

Instead of facing his problem, Elijah threw a pity party. He thought he was the only one left following God when there were actually thousands more. Wallowing in self-pity or seeking sympathy from others won’t cure our problems. God gave Elijah a few tasks to complete that would take his eyes off himself and focus them on others. In the end, his running ceased when he began depending on God for success.

Are you running from your problems or running to God for help?

Prayer: Eternal and all-powerful God, remind us You are larger than any problem we may face. 

Tweetable: Are you running from your problems? 

Thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts! We also invite you to follow and like us on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram. Help us spread God's encouragement through His Love Lines.

Choices and Consequences - Martin Wiles

Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. Galatians 6:7 NKJV

When her skin turned yellow, her husband wasn’t surprised.

Cattie seemed to have it all. She married a preacher and planned to fulfill all the wonderful roles that accompanied being a preacher’s wife. For a while, things went as planned. Her husband pastored a church in the low country of South Carolina. The next six years passed quickly. Then one Sunday, strangers visited the church. The next thing Cattie knew she was packing for a move to the upstate of South Carolina.

Over the next five years, Cattie tired of being a preachers’ wife and convinced herself she had never wanted to be one in the first place. She found a job in town and began hanging around with people who didn’t share her faith or her lifestyle.

Cattie’s downward spiral began innocently enough: smoking. Then she began drinking and even buying alcohol for some of the teenagers in the church. She changed her style of dress, wearing low-cut blouses and short skirts. When she filled in at stores in neighboring towns, she wouldn’t come home at night but stayed in sleazy motels.

Cattie’s husband became suspicious. Eventually, the proof of her bad habits surfaced. She admitted her addictions. Little did he know she was also dabbling in drugs and sleeping around with truck drivers and the chairman of deacons at the church he pastored.

Cattie’s husband wasn’t surprised when one day she said, “I don’t love you anymore. I want a divorce.” Nor was he surprised when she showed up to get the kids one day and was yellow all over. Her sexual escapades had rewarded her with hepatitis.

Paul states a simple but always-true truth: choices result in consequences. What we sow, we reap.

My choices never affect only me. They affect others, as Cattie’s did her husband and children. They affect my relationships with others and my relationship with God. Consequences can’t be avoided. What we sow, we reap. Later, and often to a greater degree than what we originally sowed.

God is always willing to forgive our sins, but He normally doesn’t take away the consequences. They are His reminders not to repeat our bad or unwise behavior. They also help us learn valuable lessons if we try.

Ask God to help you make good choices so you can experience healthy consequences that will help you fulfill His plan for your life.

Prayer: Father, help us monitor our behavior so we can experience Your best for us.

Tweetable: Are you making good choices?

Thanks to all our faithful followers who are "sharing" our posts--please keep it up! We also invite you to follow and like us on Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, and Instagram. Help us spread God's encouragement through His Love Lines.

To Forgive . . . or Not - Martin Wiles

For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for our sin, so that we could be made right with God through Christ. 2 Corinthians 5:21 NLT

To forgive or not to forgive, that is life’s dilemma.

Mickey had faced a lot in life. He’d had to forgive his first wife for walking out on him. So he wasn’t prepared for the words his second wife pronounced one night in their bedroom: “I don’t love you anymore.”

Mickey’s world crumbled when he also learned his wife had been unfaithful to him. Containing his anger took all the strength he could muster. When his wife finally walked out, forgiveness was the last thing on his mind. When it became evident that the marriage was not salvageable, he had to make a choice: forgive her and move on or resent her and be miserable.

God’s choice was similar. He created humans, placed them in a garden where all their needs were met, and gave them one prohibition. Shortly thereafter, they failed the test. His choice was assigning them and their descendants a murky future or forgiving them and providing a way for their reconciliation. He chose a path of reclamation that was foreshadowed by the skins He secured to cover their nakedness.

Thousands of years later, Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice symbolized by those first animal skins. But why couldn’t God merely have forgiven without such a gruesome act of suffering as the cross demonstrated? The answer lies in the association between forgiveness and suffering. The first always encompasses the second.

Choosing to forgive entails suffering. If someone wrongs me and I choose not to forgive, resentment, hatred, anger, and plans for revenge will assume the place of forgiveness. I may think my refusal to forgive is hurting the other person, but I’m the one who suffers. Doing the opposite—forgiving, also contains an element of suffering.

My willingness to forgive automatically brings suffering because I’m releasing someone from a debt they owe me for a wrong they’ve committed against me. Doing so goes against my human nature and brings pain. Jesus showed how to do it well. God allowed Him to assume my sin so I could be given His righteousness. When I forgive others, I assume the pain they deserve to endure for hurting me.

God forgave because He loves. He gives us the power to do the same. Let Him teach you how to forgive those who’ve wronged you. Failing to forgive leads to a life of misery.

Prayer: Father, give us the grace and strength to follow Your example of forgiveness. 

Tweetable: Forgiveness is the sweet dessert of life.

Looking for a wide selection of genres in inspirational books at discount prices? Click here to see selections.

Thanks to all our faithful followers who are "sharing" our posts--please keep it up! We also invite you to follow and like us on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. Help us spread God's encouragement through his love lines.

Flashback Friday - Love's Not an Emotion - Martin Wiles

Love’s Not an Emotion

“I don’t love you anymore.” Words spoken harshly followed by a slammed door. Or softly with a tinge of remorse and a gentle walking away. Perhaps relayed on a handwritten note stained with a damp spot from a tear of regret.

Regardless of how the message arrives, the sting of hearing love has dissipated is tragic. It can come after a few months of puppy love, a year of dating your first love, or even after 38 years of marriage. Read more...

Looking for a wide selection of genres in inspirational books at discount prices? Click here to see selections.

Thanks to all our faithful followers who are "sharing" our posts--please keep it up! We also invite you to follow and like us on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. Help us spread God's encouragement through his love lines.

Swallowed by Sorrow - Martin Wiles

He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Matthew 26:38 NLT

Sorrow can be a bitter pill to swallow, and I felt as if I was being swallowed by it.

Days stretched into months. An act of betrayal by another had turned my family inside out and headed it straight for dissolution. Though the situation could have been fixed, it wasn’t, and the shadow of depression soon hung over my head like a thunderous cloud.

Unemployment followed on the heels of everything else that had disintegrated. Months passed as I sent out hundreds of applications to various places, looking for anything that would help me support my family. Finally, a job opened, but the depression hung around. My outward appearance and actions seemed normal, but my insides churned.

Various trips to the emergency room for chest pains alerted my family doctor that something was wrong. “You’re depressed. Take the medication I’m giving you, and stay out of the emergency room,” he said. I followed his advice, and slowly the depression receded.

One translation has Jesus saying, “My soul is swallowed up in sorrow.” I suppose He felt that way. He was overwhelmed by what was ahead, but His disciples couldn’t keep their eyes open to comfort Him. He felt alone…that He was fighting the battle by Himself. And He was. They could not go to the cross and die for humanity’s sins. Only a perfect person could. He wasn’t sorry He was doing it, but the weight of what was ahead had the power to swallow His soul in sorrow.

Situations that cause grief and intense sorrow aren’t easy to face, but they are faced in a healthier way when others support us. 

Trying to face sorrow alone often leads to depression, whereas having a support system tends to ward off the dark clouds of depression. If Jesus needed companionship in His time of sorrow, I do too.

Of course, my greatest support system is found in my relationship with Jesus. I can’t physically experience Him with my senses, but His presence is felt through my spirit. This spirit-to-Spirit relationship surpasses anything I might feel with my senses.

Don’t try to face times of sorrow alone. 

Depend on God and godly people to help you through your trying times.

Prayer: Father, thank You for Your presence and the presence of others when we face sorrowful times that want to swallow us up. 

Looking for a wide selection of genres in inspirational books at discount prices? Click here to see selections.

Thanks to all our faithful followers who are "sharing" our posts--please keep it up! We also invite you to follow and like us on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. Help us spread God's encouragement through his love lines.