Death Pangs - Martin Wiles

The ropes of death entangled me; floods of destruction swept over me. The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death laid a trap in my path. Psalm 18:4-5 NLT

The thought of experiencing it unnerved me—even though I claimed to be prepared.

While a pre-teen, the fear of dying haunted me. As a nine-year-old, I had accepted Jesus and knew He had a place for me in heaven, but I feared what I had to experience to get there: death. 

A few years later, relatives began dying. First, my paternal grandfather’s unhealthy living habits finally caught up with him. A couple of years later, he was followed by both of my great-grandparents. Soon after, the remainder of my grandparents died. Now at retirement age, I have only one parent remaining and no in-laws. 

David didn’t fear old age because he wasn’t old. Instead, a jealous king dogged his trail. David was running for his life, hiding in caves and in the wilderness. Death always seemed near, but God preserved his life. King Saul didn’t kill him—but was killed himself—and David was made the next ruler.

Only a very few welcome the thought of death. Regardless of how tough circumstances might be or how intense the pain of disease or other body ailments, most don’t wish for death. Rather, we pray for healing or for God to soothe the debilitating situation. But the healings of diseases and the removing of stressful situations won’t stop death. Barring the return of Jesus Christ, we will all experience it. 

We can live peacefully while at the same time knowing the pang of death is just around the corner. Doing what I did as a nine-year-old is the first step in facing the death pang: asking Jesus to forgive our sins and committing ourselves to be his follower. This act removes the condemnation we’re under and takes care of the sins for which we’re responsible—all of which keep us out of heaven.

Knowing we’ll immediately enter heaven upon death is also comforting. We won’t have to lie unconsciously in the ground until Christ returns. The apostle Paul said to be absent from the body was to be at home with the Lord. Jesus told the thief on the cross who begged for his forgiveness that he would be with him in Paradise that day. 

When you make things right between you and God, you no longer must fear death’s pangs. 

Father, thank you for taking away the fear of death when I trust in you as my God. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Life’s Best Comforter - Martin Wiles

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. 2 Corinthians 1:3 NLT

My wife and I are now the matriarch and patriarch of our family.

My youngest brother and I discussed the concept not long ago. Although our mom is still living, her Alzheimer’s keeps her from managing her affairs, leaving me as her POA to take that responsibility. And meaning that her three boys are the patriarchs of their respective family branches.

I remember the sorrow I felt when my father died, but at least I had my mother left. When she’s gone, there will be no parents left. My wife’s parents are gone, as are her two older brothers. The day has approached when our children and grandchildren must look to us, as we did to our parents. How we’ll handle the last parent dying, I’m not sure.

According to Paul, God is life’s best comforter, and he needed comforting. Since trusting Christ as his Savior, he had faced turmoil and trials. They hounded him like dogs on a rabbit’s trail. Beatings, stonings, jail time. He faced them all. Yet he found comfort in knowing that God was in control and that he was doing God’s will.

God hasn’t changed roles. As he comforted Paul, he comforts us. And not only when we lose a loved one, but also as we face daily life’s challenges. Paying attention to how God comforts us helps us be better comforters.

God’s comfort never runs out, nor does he tire of giving it. Giving comfort to others can be taxing and drain our emotions. God can handle the task, for he is all-powerful. Nothing we face is too difficult for him to know how to comfort us.

Comforting others is often inconvenient. Jesus’ ministry was filled with interruptions from others. When we choose to comfort others, we, too, will have to deal with being inconvenienced. Death, accidents, and broken relationships never happen at a convenient time.

Comforting others takes time we could use for something else, perhaps something more enjoyable. True comfort is more than shooting someone a text or email. Or posting a prayer comment on their Facebook post. It involves hands-on activities when possible.

While comforting others is time-consuming, doing so brings us comfort. God designed us to be involved in others’ lives. Doing so fulfills part of his plan for our lives. We can only fully appreciate God’s comfort when we channel it to others.

Don’t soak up God’s comfort without squeezing out some for others.

Father, use me as an instrument of comfort to those who are hurting. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

How to Master the Art of Good Comforting - Martin Wiles

I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are! Job 16:2 NLT

Regardless of where she went, she couldn’t find comfort. It seemed as if no one knew how to master the art of good comforting.

Leah and her husband were never apart. They even volunteered at the same place after they retired. Both appeared to be in good health, so you can imagine Leah’s shock when her husband dropped dead. Jeff was outside cutting grass. He had no recent health concerns. But when Leah saw him stumble into the doorway and say he wasn’t feeling well, she could see something wasn’t right. Within a few minutes, he had slumped over, never to recover.

Although months had passed since Jeff’s death, Leah still mourned and suffered with anxiety and depression. She went to counselors, pastors, and friends, but nothing seemed to soothe her mental agony. She couldn’t focus and struggled to make it through each day. She left her old church, saying she just couldn’t stand to attend without Jeff. Leah longed for lasting comfort, but couldn’t find it anywhere.

Job didn’t find it with his fair-weather friends either. He had lost almost everything a person could lose and still survive. What’s worse, God permitted his woes to prove to Satan that Job would maintain his loyalty to God despite extreme adversity. The only comfort Job’s friends could muster was telling him he had sinned. Confess, and things would get better, was their advice. Job, however, had nothing to confess. He maintained his innocence and muddled through his pain and sorrow.

Job’s friends did what is typical. They thought they had to say something to soothe his grief—and they did. But what they said didn’t do the trick, nor was it biblically sound.

Telling someone that God needed another angel, or that you know how they feel, is hollow comfort. God doesn’t take life to get angels, nor do humans become angels after death. And no two people grieve over the same episode in the same way.

Our presence during grief is better than words. Sharing truth from God’s Word can be comforting, but timing is critical. Sitting, listening, and letting the person cry on your shoulder is better. When the time is right, they’ll ask, and then you can share words of wisdom they might need to hear. For the moment, silence is golden, and practical help is priceless.

Comforting those who grieve is tricky business. Before you speak or act, pray and ask God for direction and wisdom.

Father, give me wisdom to know how to comfort those who are hurting with grief. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Refined by Sorrow - Martin Wiles

Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. Ecclesiastes 7:3 NLT

Never had I witnessed refined by sorrow in such a drastic manner.

When times of deep sorrow strike, many choose the road of bitterness toward God. “If God’s as good as you claim, why did …,” they ask. And I’ve wondered the same thing when traveling roads of sorrow. Not James. He and his wife rarely attended church. Only through the grapevine did I learn they were facing marital challenges.

Late one evening, I received a call about a wreck involving James’ wife and child. His wife and infant son had been in a wreck. The wife was banged up and in shock, but the child was dead.

Following the funeral and several days of intense grieving, James began attending church regularly. Actually, every time the doors opened. Soon, he walked the aisle, recommitted his life to Christ, and requested baptism. He continued to grow spiritually and, within a year of the accident, served as a deacon in the church. Sorrow had refined him.

What wise King Solomon says seems ludicrous. Who in their right mind would rather have sorrow than laughter? But his conclusion is accurate: sadness has a refining influence.

Periods of sorrow remind me I have little, if any, jurisdiction over most of what happens to me. In hindsight, I see how I could have changed the course of some of my travels, but most were outside my control.

Knowing God has a determinative and permissive will helps. Some things will happen because he determines they will, while others occur because he permits them—even though they aren’t in his perfect plan. Understanding this requires faith and our admitting that we can’t always understand God’s ways. They are higher than our ways.

But if we respond correctly, sorrow will refine our relationship with God by moving us closer to him. Knowing he’s in control will replace worry and anxiety. We’ll plunge deeply into his Word and run to him through prayer. Sorrow can also foster greater perseverance and patience. After all, we have a hope unbelievers don’t.

Don’t let the sorrow that comes from living in a sinful world depress you. God loves you and controls your life events. If you let him, he will refine you through sorrow.

Father, when times of sorrow encroach upon my life, help me trust you to use them as refining tools that will enable me to grow spiritually. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Keeping the Death Vigil - Martin Wiles

Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:8 NLT

He lay almost motionless—a Superman tattoo on his arm. And as he did, my wife and I were keeping the death vigil.

My brother-in-law often kidded that he was Superman. And he had been. He survived things that had killed many people. Although a young man, he had suffered several heart attacks that damaged his heart beyond repair.

Not only had he survived health issues, but he had also made it through many years of reckless living. He had endured beatings, robberies, and a near-fatal shooting. He made it through work injuries. When I perused the list in my mind, I could understand the Superman tattoo on his arm and his mentality.

But at last, the great leveler of all humanity was about to conquer him. Doctors had done all they could. Now he lay in a hospital bed in a local Hospice house. The doctor talked to the family. His body was shutting down. There was nothing else they could do but make him comfortable. My wife swabbed his mouth, used a machine to suck bodily fluids, held her phone to his ear to play one of his favorite songs, and cried. Family members took turns talking to him and expressing their love.

Had his dilemma happened six months before, we would have worried more. A part of his reckless living was holding God at arm’s length. He grew up going to church, but had left that part of his life many years before. Although filled with grief, we weren’t as worried now. He recently made his peace with God and spoke often of his readiness to meet his Savior, which comforted our hearts.

Paul also took security in knowing that if persecution took his life, he would immediately be in heaven with his Savior.

Losing a loved one is never easy, but knowing they will enter heaven’s gates and that we will see them again in eternity makes the process easier. Heaven isn’t a pie-in-the-sky fairy tale believed by those who need courage to face death, but an actual place prepared for those who choose to follow Jesus Christ. Jesus said there are many rooms there—enough for as many as believe in him.

Our family took comfort in knowing our loved one would be waiting for us. We invite you to join us. Believe today. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Father, thank you for preparing a place for those who love and choose to follow you. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Why We Need a Living Will - Martin Wiles

And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment. Hebrews 9:27 KJV

Conversations in a physician’s waiting room can be interesting and run the gamut. They can also let us know why we need a living will.

As my wife and I sat in the waiting room, waiting for her to be called back for her colonoscopy, we listened to the various conversations. One between an older man, his son, and the receptionist. The receptionist called the man’s son to the window to answer some questions his father had omitted when filling out his paperwork.

“Does he have a living will?” she asked.

“Do you have a living will?” the son asked his father.

“Yes, I want to live,” the man responded.

The receptionist and son concluded he didn’t have a living will—and didn’t even know what one was. His anxiety about the procedure was evident, and, as my wife later learned, the doctors didn’t do everything they had intended because of it.

The writer of Hebrews makes a pointed reminder to his readers: everyone will die, and judgment will follow. Sobering thoughts. Not ones I enjoy thinking about, but ones I must entertain.

A living will is important if we don’t want to be kept alive by artificial means, sometimes leaving one on life support and in a vegetative state. From my family’s experience with my father, we discovered that a living will isn’t enough. A DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) order is also necessary since doctors can override a living will.

Having a will is also essential if we don’t want the state to take our possessions or distribute them in a way we wouldn’t approve of. Having a simple will drawn up is inexpensive and can even be done through online legal services.

More importantly, is the preparation we make for eternity, not for the comfort of those we leave behind. We will not live forever, and we cannot know the date of our death.

But we can tell whether we’re prepared. Trusting Christ as our Savior and living in obedience to his commands are the only ways to prepare. Doing so re-establishes the relationship that sin broke and fits us for heaven. Like the man in the physician’s office, I want to live—but I also know I’m going to die.

Take care of those you’ll leave behind, but make sure you’re prepared for what’s ahead.

Father, thank you for preparing an eternal existence for me. Prepare me so I’ll be ready to enjoy your presence for all of eternity.  

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

How to Trust God When You Can’t See the Way Forward - Martin Wiles

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 NLT

Just trust God, and everything will work out for the good.

The Porters were college friends with whom we had a common bond: we were both from South Carolina. They also had two children who were close in age to our two. One of which was our daughter’s “boyfriend.”

As so often happens, we lost track of them after graduation. Several years later, I received devastating news: their daughter had been killed. She was riding a bicycle, which was a little too large for her, rolled into the path of an oncoming truck, was struck, and died from the impact. Our family was stunned … and heartbroken. When I called to express my sympathies, the mom, with a broken voice, said, “We’re just trusting God to get us through this.”

I’ve heard enough religious platitudes in my lifetime to fill a small book. Some of them biblical, some not. Some well-timed, some ill-timed. But telling someone to trust God and that everything will work out for the good is true. But how, when, and where we say it, we must carefully consider.

Everything that comes into our lives won’t be good. I’ve experienced enough regretful things to fill a book. And actually, they have. Several, in fact. Having good things happen consistently wouldn’t necessarily make me trust God more. When things go well all the time, I tend to trust myself rather than God. Bad things turn my focus on him. Some turn a bitter focus, but others, me included, turn a longing focus. A longing to know why and how I should respond.

As I look back on the unfortunate things I’ve experienced, I also see how God brought good from them. The lessons I learned from correctly responding are innumerable. My trust in God rose, as did my faith. Since the consequences of bad events tend to hang around, sometimes for years, I’ve been able to continually see God bringing good things from bad circumstances.

God is a good God who wants us to experience good things—even if they have to come through unpleasant circumstances.

Trust God to manufacture good out of the bad times in your life.

Father, I have faith that you will turn the bad in my life into good that will spur me on to spiritual growth and bring glory to your name.

I invite you to try my book Grits, Grace, and God in eBook or paperback. If you want a daily dose of God's grace, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Finding the God You’ve Been Chasing All Along - Abigail Skelton

“Everything is meaningless,” says the Teacher, “completely meaningless!” 

~Ecclesiastes 1:2 NLT

“And suddenly I realized everything in life is fleeting, and only God is eternal.” – Unknown

Occasionally, an inspirational Pinterest quote catches my attention. While scrolling through recipes and seasonal fashion suggestions, I paused to consider the truth behind the aforementioned quote. 

All too often, I get in a comfortable groove and think I have everything figured out. I have a job, I’m in good health, and I have a plethora of family and friends. But then, even just one loss sends everything into a tailspin. As it turns out, I have little control over anything. And even the surest things I have—my own body included—won’t last forever. 

There is a book of the Bible that frequently leaves my non-Christian friends in an existential crisis. Even for believers, the book of Ecclesiastes is a rather gloomy wake-up call, reminding us that everything we chase is temporal. Fleeting. 

If "everything is meaningless," as King Solomon writes repeatedly throughout the book, I probably don’t need that picture-perfect fall sweater, or that cozy book-nook that pops up in my feed and makes me dissatisfied with the home I already have. 

In fact, if I’m chasing anything but God, I’m guaranteed to wind up disappointed. Material things are all meaningless at the end of the day. We take nothing with us. Even our descendants will forget us after a couple of generations.

Yet the book of Ecclesiastes still ends in hope. “Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of all mankind” (12:13). God is still in the picture, despite everything. Our lives do have meaning if we fear him, for God is eternal. 

And so, when we chase after God, first and foremost, we have the promise that we will never come up empty. We never have to say goodbye to his love and goodness. He is still with us, even when our jobs fail, our health vanishes, and our relationships crumble. 

Only God is eternal. That fact alone is a blessing beyond anything this world can offer. 

Abigail Skelton is from beautiful Southern Oregon, where she grew up with an avid love for Jesus, chocolate, and writing. She has lived in three countries while involved in missionary work and frequently travels and studies foreign languages. You can connect with Abigail on her website: https://abigailskelton.com.

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Life After Death: The Comfort Behind Being Absent from the Body - Martin Wiles

Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:8 NLT

Death. Funerals. They’re both a part of life. I don’t enjoy either of them, but they come with the life-on-earth territory. Death respects no age or person. Comforting those who have lost loved ones challenges the best of us. And Bible verses don’t always do the trick. I’ve seen anger, frustration, bitterness, confusion, and relief. However—and whenever—death comes, separation takes place, and separations are never easy. Attempting to comfort, I have made the statement: “You know what the Bible says, ‘To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord.’” Still, knowing a loved one is with the Lord doesn’t completely eliminate the sense of loss the one left behind feels.

Paul’s life since trusting Christ had been rough. As he panhandled the gospel over the known world, his enemies hounded his steps. Stonings, beatings, jailings, false accusations, desertions by friends. He faced them all. But comfort came through his belief that if they took his life, he would be at home with his Savior.

The concept of an afterlife—as most Christians now understand it—developed slowly. In the Old Testament, the afterlife was viewed as a shadowy existence. Not until the New Testament was the concept more fully developed. A blissful place called heaven for those who’ve accepted Christ as their Savior, but torment and judgment for those who reject him.

While some believe nothing happens between death and the final resurrection, many, perhaps most, believe we are composed of body, soul, and spirit—or at least body and spirit. Either way, we have a part that lives on after death before the resurrection of our bodies. Believing this is a comforting thought when we lose loved ones, if they know Christ as Savior. We may not have them anymore, but a day will come when we’ll see them again.

Death is not the end of our existence. Life continues. Make sure your and your loved ones’ eternity is secure with God in heaven.

Father, thank you for the hope of an eternity with you when we place our faith in your Son. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Series: Oh, the Things We Say: God Just Wanted Another Angel - Martin Wiles

Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints. Psalm 116:15 NKJV

Life is never easy when parents lose an infant or young child—or a child, period. Although I’ve never said it, I’ve been in the presence of others who said to grieving parents, “God just wanted another angel in heaven.”

Communication is an art—and challenging to master. But every time I hear the above sentence, I cringe and wonder what it means to the hearer. Do they think God is so capricious that he’d kill their child so he could add another angel to his force, as if he needs more? He has legions at his disposal. While the speaker is trying their best to comfort in a difficult situation, they probably failed.

The above translation makes it sound as if God gets some sordid pleasure when Christians die. A more modern translation makes it clearer: The Lord cares deeply when his loved ones die.

Trying to comfort someone who has lost a child can be better accomplished by avoiding such a statement. Not only could it give them a wrong conception of God, but it could also lead them down an incorrect theological road.

Telling someone God needed another angel in heaven implies that we become angels when we die, which the Bible never states. In correcting the religious leaders’ views about relationships in heaven, Jesus tells them there will be no marrying in heaven because we will be like the angels. He doesn’t say we will be angels. Just that angels don’t marry, and neither will we.

This saying is one among many used when trying to comfort a grieving person. Situations vary, and it can be challenging to know what to say, so sometimes it’s better not to say anything. Just be there. Give a hug instead of a statement. Spend a night. Prepare a meal. Get them some groceries. Pay a bill. Take their other children for an outing. Call friends for them.

The adage is true: “Actions speak louder than words.” And they may very well give the comfort we’re trying to provide better than our words.

Learn to think before you speak when trying to comfort those who are grieving.

Father, give me wisdom to use the right words when I am comforting those who have suffered loss. 

I invite you to try my book A Whisper in the Woods: Quiet Escapes in a Noisy World. No one escapes life's hurts, but quiet places help us regain our perspective. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Series: Oh, the Things We Say: I Know How You Feel - Martin Wiles

Martha said to Jesus, “Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died. John 11:21 NLT

Tragedy had struck. What could I say? I was tempted to resort to “I know how you feel.” But then, I thought better.

I’ve watched people endure their share of tragedies. A husband whose wife decided to drive while drunk. Her actions led to the death of their small child. A father whose daughter was innocently riding her bike through their subdivision and was hit and killed. Good friends whose daughter tried to ride a bicycle that was too large and accidentally rolled into the path of an oncoming truck. A couple whose child was born prematurely and languished in the neonatal intensive care unit for months and then grew up mentally challenged.

I’ve probably been guilty of saying it, but even if I haven’t, I’ve heard many others say those infamous words: “I know how you feel,” or “I know what you’re going through.” Innocent words spoken with good intentions, but words that mean little if anything to the one who is grieving—and perhaps questioning God at the same time.

Mary and Martha were probably feeling a little confused themselves. Their brother, Lazarus, was sick. So they sent for Jesus, thinking he would heal him. Instead of coming immediately, Jesus waited until Lazarus had died. Martha was confused.

Even if we’ve experienced something similar to what a person is going through, saying “I know how you feel” isn’t the best response to their grief. We don’t know how they feel. We know how we felt, but we can’t get inside their body and experience their emotions. The statement usually falls on deaf ears. They may also perceive the words as an empty platitude that means nothing.

When a person is grieving, spending time with them and saying little is a good practice. If we feel the need to speak, saying, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” or “How can I help?” are better statements. Better yet is thinking of some way to help without asking the person. In their state of mind, they usually can’t think of what they need anyway. If we have experienced something similar to their tragedy, we can always share our story and tell how God brought us through.

Depend on God to give you the right thing to say when you’re helping a grieving person.

Father, as you comfort me in my time of grief, so give me wisdom to know how to help others in their times of grief.

I invite you to try my book A Whisper in the Woods: Quiet Escapes in a Noisy World. No one escapes life's hurts, but quiet places help us regain our perspective. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.