Good Grief - Martin Wiles

I weep with grief; encourage me by your word. Psalm 119:28 NLT

I remember it as the one time in my life when I openly grieved and experienced good grief.

I don’t come from a crying family. If we shed tears, we did so in private . . . and then only for brief episodes. But for me, grieving changed when my father died. I thought I was handling his death well as I watched him die in an Atlanta hospital. I even kept my composure when we went to the funeral home to view his body before the funeral. But during the funeral—as songs were played that my father loved—I lost my composure. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t hold back the tears or even the open weeping. This grief was different, but it was good. It helped me process my loss.

Spending seventy years serving ruthless enemies discouraged God’s people. These same enemies had also destroyed what was most precious to them: the Temple in Jerusalem. And so they cried . . . grieved. Would they ever leave captivity? Would God’s house ever be rebuilt?

There was a time when the picture of the strong, rugged American kept many from weeping openly. Crying wasn’t for boys or men, and women didn’t do much of it either. We could handle anything. We could pull ourselves up by our bootstraps.

Depending on the translation used, “Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible. He wept when he looked at Jerusalem—a city of unbelievers with a sordid history. He wept when his good friend Lazarus died prematurely. He cried on his knees in a garden when he thought of his impending doom on the cross.

If the Son of God grieved, it must be something good about it. Mourning, in whatever form it appears, is beneficial. It helps us process whatever has brought our sorrow. 

Tears release pressure and cleanse the soul. They are for strong-minded people, not weak-minded pansies. Only when grief goes beyond a reasonable period or is processed in unhealthy ways does it stop being good and start bringing harm.

Let yourself experience good grief when sorrow enters your life.

Prayer: Father, comfort us in our grief so that we might comfort others in theirs.

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Tears Tell the Tale - Martin Wiles

Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them. Luke 7:38 NLT

When the tears trickled from his blue eyes, we all knew.

Although my grandfather attended the little white Methodist church every time the doors were open, Dad, Mom, and I wondered about his relationship with Christ. Other parts of his lifestyle seemed to say he didn’t have one. So when the strokes started coming—and it didn’t seem he would recuperate—Mom decided to do something about it.

Pappy was a relatively young man when the first stroke hit. I’m sure the years of heavy drinking and smoking had taken their toll. The stroke brought a little paralysis on one side. Then several more followed. By the time it was all over, his entire right side was immobile, and he could not speak. My grandmother had to help him walk. He could mumble words but none we could understand.

When it appeared his end neared, Mom decided to ask him about his relationship with Christ. Tears puddled in his eyes and then streaked down the side of his face. He couldn’t tell us he had asked Jesus to forgive his sins and be his Savior, but the tears evidenced he had.

Luke records an instance of another person whose tears also told a tale. Jesus enjoyed a meal at the home of one of the religious leaders. As they reclined at the table and enjoyed the meal and fellowship, a prostitute ambled in, walked over to Jesus, let her tears fall onto His feet, and wiped them off with her hair as she adorned His feet with perfume.

Simon, the religious leader who had invited Jesus, objected to this “sinner” touching Jesus. Jesus lovingly rebuked the Pharisee for not washing His feet and then told him that the woman’s tears told a tale—one of repentance, confession, and forgiveness.

Some of us cry outwardly and some inwardly. Some don’t mind when others see our tears while others think it “unmanly” or “unwomanly” to let others see us cry. Whether we show them or not, tears are one way we show gratitude for what God has done for us through His Son on Calvary’s cross. Tears also reflect our sorrow over sin or other unwise decisions or actions we’ve taken. Cross words. Unjustified anger. Unforgiveness. Selfish acts.

Cleansing comes when we confess our sins to Christ, and there is nothing wrong with letting our inward cleansing show with outward tears. They reveal the state of our hearts.

Don’t be afraid to let tears show the state of your heart.

Prayer: Father, may our tears show us and others the true state of our heart.

Tell us about your favorite family tale. 

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Bottled-up Tears - Martin Wiles

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8 NLT

With a 6 ¼-ounce glass Coke bottle, he defrosted freezers.

With few exceptions, such as at grocery stores, my grandfather knew nothing about putting ice cream in freezers that didn’t need defrosting. The ice cream freezers his company donated to customers—or the ones the customers themselves owned—were not frost-free. Over time, chunks of ice accumulated on the sides, making it difficult to stock the boxes of ice cream in them neatly.

When the ice reached a certain level, my grandfather would look for an empty Coke crate in the store. These were the days when a person could return empty bottles for a small deposit of money. Store owners kept the empty crates after they put the bottles in the distributing machines.

My grandfather walked to the crate, picked up a small Coke bottle, and went to work, using the bottom of the bottle to knock the ice loose from the sides of the freezer. Within five minutes, he had defrosted the freezer and tossed the ice outside in the hot sun to melt.

Nothing like a good bottle. I remember when companies first put their soda products in aluminum cans. I hated it. It changed the entire taste of the product. Then came plastic bottles. This improved the taste a little, but nothing tastes like a soda—or any other drinkable liquid product—packaged in a bottle. The product also stays colder. Give me a bottle any day.

The psalmist enjoyed bottles too. Not for drinking, but because God bottled his tears in them. He had many sorrows during his lifetime—as most of us do. But God took note of them and bottled them up.

God does the same for anyone. He loves us with unconditional love and notices our life’s sorrows. Some tears He sends to mature us or to stretch our faith, but many come because we live in a sin-infested world where things break down and go awry.

But God does more than notice our sorrows. He bottles them, giving us the strength to endure each one, no matter how intense they are. By depending on the guidance of His Spirit, we discover the strength to put one foot in front of the other when we don’t think we can. We grieve, but we keep moving until things change—or until we accept our new norm.

Coke bottles eventually increased in size, and God’s bottle is large enough to handle all your tears. Put them in His bottle.

Prayer: Father, thank You for bottling our tears so we can move on with life.

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Joy from Tears - Martin Wiles

When they walk through the Valley of Weeping, it will become a place of refreshing springs. Psalm 84:6 NLT

The tears flowed only inward—if then.

I grew up in a home where tears rarely appeared. I never remember my father crying—not even when he performed his grandmother, mother, and father’s funerals. Nor when some church members he pastored treated him in unkind ways. Perhaps he did when he had his quiet moments with God, but never in front of me.

Nor did I ever witness my mother cry. Not when she lost her father and mother. Or when one of us three boys would do something stupid that got us in trouble. Or when one of our marriages fell apart. No tears of sadness. No tears of joy.

I suppose my parents got this honestly because I never saw their parents cry either—and I spent enough time with both sets of grandparents to notice.

So, I followed suit. No tears. Not outwardly at least. But I was a crier. Inwardly. When I watched a sad movie. When a pet died. I’d secretly wipe the tears, hoping no one noticed them streaming down my face.

The change came when Dad died. As the music played at his funeral, I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. They flooded from my eyes. Loud wails pushed from my throat. I’d never experienced this type of grief before.

According to the psalmist, those on a pilgrimage to Jerusalem would find joy even as they passed through the Valley of Weeping.

God has a way of bringing joy from tears—tears we shouldn’t hold back in times of sorrow and in times of joy. Society once taught boys not to cry. Doing so wasn’t manly. Perhaps my grandparents taught my dad that. But tears bring a cleansing to our souls, especially in times of sorrow. Our pent-up emotions are released. Stress is released. Tears help joy return.

Tears demonstrate empathy when we shed them for others. They also demonstrate our trust that God controls the situation bringing the tears. We trust His judgment … and timing.

Tears don’t mean we’re happy about what we’re crying about. Happiness and joy differ. Happiness depends on the circumstances. We can experience joy regardless of the circumstances by remembering God is in control.

Go ahead. Shed those tears. God will gently dap them away and give you a new perspective.

Prayer: Father, thank You for the tears that cleanse our souls.

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