Faith over Feelings - Martin Wiles

I go east, but he is not there. I go west, but I cannot find him. I do not see him in the north, for he is hidden. I look to the south, but he is concealed. Job 23:8-9 NLT

Feelings don’t always mirror reality.

Frank had hit bottom. He couldn’t imagine losing any more than he had already lost. His roller coaster ride began with his wife’s confession of unfaithfulness. He had his suspicions, and he had noticed people at church whispering. But he trusted her and had promised to love her for better or for worse. Now, however, he knew he couldn’t trust her. She didn’t love him and wanted a divorce.

Had Frank worked a regular job, his wife’s leaving probably wouldn’t have mattered. But his profession made a difference. His personal and family life weighed heavily on the outcome like a piece of lead. When he shared his news with the church leaders, they suggested he resign. Since he and his family lived in a church-owned home, he knew what that meant. Finding a place to live. 

The confession started the dominoes tumbling. Over the next few years, Frank experienced numerous fallouts. He lost his retirement savings, withdrawing it to pay bills. He took a job making one-third of his church salary, which meant some bills went unpaid. Soon, the collection agencies would knock on his email and snail mail doors. Months later, he found himself alone after his daughter went to college and his son decided to live with his mom. 

Frank never imagined facing such dire straits, but he never forgot that God hadn’t left him. Regardless of how he felt—and he often experienced that “dark night of the soul”—his faith remained anchored in God. 

I, too, have experienced some “dark nights of the soul.” Times when God felt distant and unconcerned. Job experienced the same. He lost almost all a person could lose—and God allowed it. Satan needed proof that Job wasn’t merely following God because of God’s blessings. 

When we experience those dark nights, we must remember that God hasn’t left us. He promises never to leave or forsake us, and his character hasn’t changed. He knows all we experience and controls the intensity and duration. We can also remember his unconditional love. Allowing us to experience valleys leads to spiritual growth, not detriment. Additionally, we can recall his power. With a spoken word, he can end our cloudy days—and will, at just the right time. 

When you feel God has left you in the darkest valley, remember feelings don’t always mirror reality. 

Father, thank you for never leaving me during my dark night of the soul.

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Finding Safety in an Unsteady World - Martin Wiles

As my glorious presence passes by, I will hide you in the crevice of the rock and cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Exodus 33:22 NLT

She had been abused and needed a safe place. No one ever said finding safety in an unsteady world was easy.

Johnnie was in a situation of her own making. For thirteen years, she had endured an abusive marriage—one she entered to escape the harsh atmosphere of her upbringing.

When the opportunity came for Johnnie to move out, she took it. Jim seemed like a good guy when she dated him, but his true identity revealed itself shortly after she said, “I do.” Abusive words, demeaning remarks, bruises. They all became the norm. Johnnie tried to fend them off but had to admit they were taking their toll on her self-esteem.

Eventually, Johnnie decided she’d had enough, but she needed a safe place. She didn’t turn to a home for abused women but rather contacted her parents. By this time, her dad had mellowed. She thought she could endure life with them until she could make other arrangements.

Moses needed a safe place, too. While he was on the mountain receiving the Ten Commandments from God, the people were below, partying as if they had no God to whom they were accountable. When God told Moses to leave the mountain and take the people with him, but that he wouldn’t be tagging along, the declaration was more than Moses could stand. God decided to give them another chance, but Moses needed reassurance. So God placed Moses in a crevice and let him glance at his presence as he passed by.

Life is tough and filled with many experiences we’d rather not repeat. Wallowing in self-pity or in the memory of the event only keeps us smelling the toxic nature of what we have experienced. A better course is asking God to put us in his safe place.

When God places us in His safe place, he reassures us of his presence. If separation has taken place, it’s because we left him—not because he left us. He promises never to abandon his children. In God’s safe places, we’re also reminded of who he is and who we’re not. He is the all-powerful Creator, qualified to lead us through any and every circumstance and protect us in the process.

Moses had nothing to fear; nor do we. When life gets tough, ask God to put you in his safe place where you can find grace, reassurance, and peace.

Father, thank you for the safe places you provide when life is more than we can handle.

 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

When Sorrow Feels Overwhelming - Martin Wiles

He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” Matthew 26:38 NLT

When sorrow feels overwhelming, it can be a bitter pill to swallow, and I felt as if I were being swallowed by it.

Days stretched into months. An act of betrayal by another had turned my family inside out and headed it straight for dissolution. Although the situation could have been fixed, it wasn’t, and the shadow of depression soon hung over my head like a thunderous cloud.

Unemployment followed on the heels of everything else that had disintegrated. Months passed as I sent out hundreds of applications to various places, looking for anything that would help me support my family. Finally, a job opened, but the depression hung around. My outward appearance and actions seemed normal, but my insides churned.

Various trips to the emergency room for chest pains alerted my family doctor that something was wrong. “You’re depressed. Take the medication I’m giving you, and stay out of the emergency room,” he said. I followed his advice, and slowly the depression receded.

One translation has Jesus saying, “My soul is swallowed up in sorrow.” I suppose he felt that way. He was overwhelmed by what was ahead, but his disciples couldn’t keep their eyes open to comfort him. He felt alone … as if he were fighting a battle by himself. And He was. The disciples could not accompany him to the cross and die for humanity’s sins. Only a perfect person could. He wasn’t sorry he was doing it, but the weight of what was ahead had the power to swallow his soul in sorrow.

Situations that cause grief and intense sorrow aren’t easy to face, but we can face them more healthfully when others support us. Trying to face sorrow alone often leads to depression, whereas having a support system tends to ward off the dark clouds of depression. If Jesus needed companionship in his time of sorrow, we do too.

Of course, our greatest support system is found in our relationship with Jesus. We can’t physically experience him with our senses, but we can feel his presence in our spirits. This spirit-to-Spirit relationship surpasses anything we might experience with our senses.

Don’t try to face times of sorrow alone. Depend on God and godly people to help you through your trying times.

Father, thank you for your presence and the presence of others when I face sorrowful times that want to swallow me. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

What Is the Unforgivable Sin? - Martin Wiles

So I tell you, every sin and blasphemy can be forgiven—except blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, which will never be forgiven. Matthew 12:31 NLT

For Hester Prynne in Nathanial Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter, it was an A; for many others, it is a D. But what is the unforgivable sin?

In a Puritanical time period, Hester Prynne made the mistake of having a sexual relationship outside of marriage and getting pregnant. Town members condemned, ostracized, and forced her to wear a scarlet letter, A, on her breast.

When I was growing up, most of the culture didn’t look favorably upon adultery either, particularly in the Bible Belt. But there was another sin that most looked equally upon with disfavor: divorce. Even most who were not religiously inclined believed that two married people should stay together through thick and thin. Those who didn’t, for whatever reason, were treated almost like Hester Prynne.

In church life, which I knew a lot about, the divorced were looked upon differently. They may have been allowed to join the church—after all, they surely needed Jesus since they were divorced--but they were allowed to do little else. Teaching, preaching, serving as a deacon, and working with children. These were all out of the question. The church was glad to have their money, but wanted little else from them. They had committed what many believed was the unpardonable sin.

Interestingly, divorce is not what Jesus classified as the unpardonable sin. He had strong words for those who attributed his work to Satan—and told them he would not forgive blasphemy (unbelief)--but he never said the same about divorce. In the Old Testament, God said he hated divorce, but he never said it was unforgivable.

Divorce is detrimental. While some choose it, others have it thrust upon them regardless of what they want. Its sad effects meander through families, churches, and nations. But it isn’t the unforgivable sin. The Bible is filled with examples of God using people with all types of issues in their backgrounds—murder included. If God can use murderers like David and Paul, surely He can use someone who has endured divorce.

Telling or implying that someone is unusable because they are divorced is as sinful as the sin they claim the divorced person has committed. God is in the business of restoration.

Don’t allow anything in your past to keep you from being used by God.

Father, help me allow you to use my past instead of letting it imprison me. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Series: The Things We Say - Forgive and Forget - Martin Wiles

But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:15 NLT

If we still remember, we haven’t forgiven. The philosophy behind the phrase, forgive and forget.

After seventeen years—nineteen if you count the dating part--Sarah called it quits. Walked out and left her husband and two kids. She couldn’t explain why she did it, but she did. Maybe it was because she never wanted to be a preacher’s wife in the first place. She had endured for sixteen of their seventeen years together. That seemed more than fair. Now the lifestyle was getting to her. She had wild oats to sow that she’d never had a chance to sow before.

John, her husband, was bitter. He couldn’t believe she would do what she had done. Leave it all—everything they had built together. And leave him with the bills and the kids. He knew what the Bible said about forgiveness—and forgave her. Forgetting was another story. Occasionally, one of his church members would remind him if he didn’t forget he hadn’t forgiven. He wondered how you could consciously forget something.

The Bible, and Jesus particularly, has a lot to say about forgiveness. One thing it doesn’t say is that we have to forget what others have done to us as a part of the forgiveness act. Forgiveness is releasing someone from a debt they owe because of a sin they have committed against me. Period. Forgetting is impossible unless we experience brain damage or contract a brain disease such as dementia or Alzheimer’s.

What we can and must do is stop dwelling on the infraction. In our own power, we can’t even accomplish this, but God’s power in us can. John eventually moved beyond what Sarah had done to him and the family. He never forgot it because he couldn’t, but he no longer sought revenge. Neither did he stew over the situation all the time.

We know we’ve forgiven when we don’t dwell on the injury, when we’re not out for revenge, when we can interact with the person who has offended us if we must, and when we don’t get angry when we think about the injustice committed. We’ll never forget others’ wounds against us, but we can forgive and move on.

Stop trying to forget the infractions others have committed against you. Just forgive.

Father, as you have forgiven me, enable me to forgive others who harm me in various ways.

I invite you to try my book A Whisper in the Woods: Quiet Escapes in a Noisy World. No one escapes life's hurts, but quiet places help us regain our perspective. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Feeling Forgotten - Martin Wiles

Suddenly, the angel of the LORD appeared to him as a blazing fire in a bush. Exodus 3:2 NLT

The deed had been done, as ugly as it was, and now I was feeling forgotten.

Marital breakups are never easy. No matter who’s at fault, the breakup can leave each partner feeling forgotten. Mine did. My aloneness was intensified when many of my professional friends suddenly left as well. Perhaps they didn’t know how to respond. Maybe they thought I needed time to gather my thoughts. Some may have been embarrassed to associate with me since our profession looked unfavorably on divorce. Only one or two checked to see how I was doing. 

I suppose Moses felt the same. When he killed an Egyptian who was beating one of his fellow countrymen, I imagine he thought he was doing the right thing. But when the king discovered the murder and placed a death sentence on him, he knew differently. Fleeing to the desert, he met a priest, married his daughter, and spent the next forty years tending sheep. In a split second, Moses went from the palace to the poorhouse and from being surrounded by hundreds of people to living with sheep.

When feeling forgotten, I try to remember that feelings don’t always mimic reality. Moses had a spouse, children, a father-in-law, and neighboring shepherds. I had community and church friends. I felt forgotten because my situation in life had changed, and because a few had chosen to cool our friendship.

But even if others forsake us, God never will. He didn’t leave Moses, and he didn’t leave me when my spouse did. He was as close as he had always been. The feelings of loneliness merely kept me from feeling his presence.

Though my situation made it difficult, I tried to surround myself with spiritual encouragers. People who would remind me of God’s promises, who would call periodically and check on me, and who would hug me and tell me everything would be okay. These people forged friendships that I still cherish today, many years after I felt forgotten.

When you pass through times that make you feel forgotten, remember God is always near.

Father, when I feel forgotten by others, remind me you always walk by my side. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing. No one escapes life's hurts, but we can move beyond them to hope and healing. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Making Love Last - Martin Wiles

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Hebrews 13:4 NLT

He was the picture of faithfulness, but he carried a fake ID and hid a dark secret.

Frank was a dedicated church member and faithful husband—or so it appeared. He and his wife had moved back to their hometown after his retirement from the military. They immediately joined their old church and went to work. Frank held several positions, among them chairman of deacons.

Several years after their return, Frank’s dark secret came out after it was discovered that he and the preacher’s wife were having an affair. This wasn’t his first. Unfaithfulness had happened before with another friend’s wife, which was why they had chosen to re-locate. As with the prior incident, Frank’s wife decided to remain with him. Once again, they would change locations and start over. Perhaps, this time it would be different.

According to statistics, many don’t take the high view of marriage God does. Certainly, there are occasions when God gives permission for the marriage to dissolve. He allows it for adultery—although he doesn’t command it—and he certainly doesn’t expect a partner to risk their lives or their children’s lives by staying in an abusive situation.

If we’re going to make love last, we must define marriage as God does. Ideally, it is for a lifetime: “until death do you part.” Unfaithfulness and abuse may rob one partner of that pleasure, but it should at least be the intent when taking marriage vows.

Faithfulness is a must for love to last. God's making unfaithfulness an allowance for divorce shows how seriously he considers faithfulness. He considers faithfulness not only to the other spouse but also to everything necessary to keep a marriage strong: faithfulness to serving God together, faithfulness to equality in the marriage, and faithfulness to helping each other with family chores.

Remaining faithful in marriage also means preparing for temptation. Temptations to unfaithfulness abound. Satan loves nothing better than to destroy homes. He knows the lifelong havoc this can inflict. Unfaithfulness is the big home wrecker. Time in the Word, in prayer, and with our spouses will help keep temptation away so we can remain faithful.

Work diligently to make love last in your marriage.

Father, turn my eyes toward You for wisdom to make my marriage strong. 

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Defining Marriage Part 3 - Martin Wiles

And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21 NLT

“If he wasn’t a preacher, I’d divorce him.”

Martha had been a pastor’s wife longer than she cared to remember. In fact, it seemed like a lifetime. She and John had only been married seven years when he informed her God was calling him into the ministry. She hadn’t bargained for a lifetime of being a preacher’s wife, but what choice did she have? She could leave. That would go against everything she’d been taught about sticking with your spouse through thick and thin. Instead, she chose to stay in spite of the many aggravations she had to endure: a husband who worked continuously, church members who were backstabbers and complainers, and children who rebelled against having to move from place to place every few years.

Successful marriages take mutual submission.

For Martha, staying with John was one of those submissions. There have been historical periods when women had no rights and did what their husbands said without question. Society might have accepted that; God never intended it to be that way. Telling his listeners that husbands and wives should submit to one another was a radical statement in Paul’s day. One-sided submission makes for miserable marriages.

God has established guidelines for the marriage partners.

Children should obey their parents. Wives should honor their husband’s God-given spiritual authority. Men should step up to the plate and lead. They must love their wives as Christ did the church—enough to die for them. Marriages are successful when we obey God’s guidelines—whether or not society recognizes or endorses them.

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.

The church is the bride of Christ. Believers submit to Him. He is our head. He promises to care for our every need and never to leave us. Christian marriages reflect the salvation connection to unbelievers.

Marriage is not for everyone.

Some have the gift of celibacy—singleness. And according to Paul, they have more time to serve God. Playing matchmaker is only a good idea if we’re sure the one we’re matching up is supposed to be matched up according to God’s plan for them.

When God is at the center of marriages, success is possible. Put Him there and see what happens to yours.

Father, I commit my marriage to You. Make it strong so that I might enjoy the partner You have given me. 

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Defining Marriage Part 2 - Martin Wiles

I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. Matthew 5:32 NLT

He looked at me with a serious face and said, “I don’t check my email.”

He was an acquaintance I’d recently met. Our church was going through a transformation process, and he was the initial contact to get the ball rolling. When I asked if I could email him, he said yes but that his wife checked his emails before he saw them. If it was something he needed, she forwarded it to him. This was his choice, not hers. Then he confessed. He had been trapped by pornography on the Internet. Knowing his weakness, he voluntarily chose to leave alone what he knew could destroy his marriage: lust.

Marriage is serious but not a sacrament.

We experience God’s grace in our marriages, but they have no bearing on our relationship with Christ or our eternity in heaven. While God blesses marriages, they don’t save souls eternally.

Sexual activity should be reserved for marriage and with one’s partner.

God calls a violation of this in any form or fashion fornication and adultery. Jesus says if we even look at someone of the opposite sex with lust we’ve been unfaithful in our hearts, even if we haven’t committed an act. Christians have the privilege of demonstrating godly attitudes about sexual relationships through our marriages.

Marriage is for pleasure and procreation.

Adam was sad when there was no one like him. After God married the couple, He told them to populate the earth. Pleasure and procreation. Having children is wonderful but nurturing the relationship with our partner—who will be around when the kids are gone—is vitally important as well.

Marriage is a union of body, soul, and spirit.

God says a man and woman become one through marriage. No longer is it just about our wants, desires, and dreams. We have a partner to consider. Soul refers to the mind, will, and emotions. We are joined to our partner in these areas as well. When both partners are believers, they are also joined in spirit. God’s Spirit lives in both. They operate from a common foundation and can take a journey with God together.

Enjoy the partner God has given you and serve Him together.

Father, thank You for giving me a partner to journey through life with. 

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Defining Marriage Part 1 - Martin Wiles

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Genesis 3:24 NLT

Definitions of marriage are changing.

The senior pastor of a prominent church in South Carolina once commented, “There’s no family value system in the Bible that we would lay into the 21st century. We don’t have two wives and sleep with our maids and have a bunch of children and that be fine. What we believe about marriage and family is culturally driven, not biblically driven” (emphasis mine).

Sadly, many define marriage by what society says it should be and disregard what God says. Mostly, I was fortunate enough to observe healthy marriages in my family. Grandparents who were married to the same partner for a lifetime. Parents who followed suit. I watched them face difficulties and strongholds and yet hold fast. I’ve also watched many marriages in my family disintegrate—some for good reasons and others for not-so-good reasons. Physical abuse versus “I’m just tired of you as my partner.”

God performed the first marriage in the Garden of Eden. After naming the animals, Adam found none other like himself. God recognized Adam’s loneliness wasn’t good, so He created a woman and performed the first marriage. A man and a woman placed in a pristine environment and given the challenge to populate the earth.

Marriage is God’s idea.

Since marriage is God’s idea, we must pay attention to what He says about it rather than what society might say.

Marriage is a significant institution.

Couples who enter it with the “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll get a divorce” set themselves up for failure from the beginning.

Ending a marriage is a serious decision.

Saying the “I do’s” with the intent of staying together through thick and thin strengthens the marriage from the beginning. Jesus permitted ending a marriage for unfaithfulness—but it doesn’t have to even then. Many marriages survive unfaithfulness if the couple will sacrifice and work diligently. What God puts together shouldn’t be ended on a whim. Only serious and dangerous issues should terminate it.

Find ways to keep Satan from stealing the joy and permanency God intends for your marriage.

Father, give us strength to do what’s necessary to have a strong marriage. 

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Restless Wanderer - Martin Wiles

From now on, you will be a homeless fugitive on the earth, constantly wandering from place to place. Genesis 4:12 NLT

I was a restless wanderer. And although I’ve returned several times, it was never the same.

Home may be the place they have to take us when we return, but no one said it would be the same when we got there. I left home immediately after high school graduation. I couldn’t wait to put my feet under my own table and make my rules. Although I didn’t particularly care for my home of origin while there, I look back with fond memories now.

Several times since leaving, I’ve had to return. Once simply because I was lonesome. A relationship had ended. Another time because I was following God’s direction which would take me to college. I had a family and needed to square away some bills before we left for parts unknown. And a further time because I had finished college. We had nowhere to go until a church called me as pastor.

Each time I returned home, it was different than when I originally lived there. I was restless . . . ready to get out again. I wasn’t a child anymore. I didn’t need parents to tend to my needs—although they continued to try. As initially, I wanted a place of my own with my rules.

God informed the first sibling that he’d be a restless wanderer. In a moment of rage and jealousy, Cain killed his brother. Because of this action, he would have to wander . . . be a fugitive on the earth.

Just as going home always disappointed me, so living on earth will also. This world is not our home—at least not in its present form. Sin infected Cain’s life and it has the world as well. Sin has destroyed the original pristine beauty and harmony. Weeds grow, natural disasters brew, and animals and people clash. Rust eats, plastics crack, and thieves steal.

The only peace we can find during this restless journey is in our relationship with Christ. Here, we can see beyond what’s wrong and focus on what’s right. We’re forgiven. A better place awaits, both in heaven and on a freshly re-created earth where life will function as God originally designed.

How can you remember where your true home is when you’re tempted to wander?

Father, I thank You that no matter how far or long I roam, You still welcome me home. 

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