The Frustration of the Unknown - Martin Wiles

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Philippians 4:6 NLT

After numerous doctor visits with no answers, my wife and I lapsed into the frustration of the unknown. 

The unknown began after a recent move. My wife lifted an item and felt a stabbing pain. Thinking she had pulled the mesh from a recent hernia surgery, we visited the general surgeon. After testing, he determined it was only scar tissue. 

Then, unexplained weight gain led to a trip to the emergency room and then to the cardiologist. Pills to reduce her fluid didn’t work. More tests followed. One revealed an enlarged spleen and liver. 

We re-visited the general surgeon who sent her to a kidney specialist. In the meantime, the cardiologist sent her to a gastroenterologist.

Weeks and months passed between the tests and doctor visits. Our frustration mounted as we waited for answers, trying not to imagine the worst. 

Paul could have also been frustrated by the unknown. Would he survive the persecutions or the trip to stand trial before the Roman emperor? Would his friends betray him? Instead, he did what he advised others to do.

Praying about the unknown is crucial. Every night, I prayed for my wife to have the strength to face whatever lay ahead and for God to give the doctors the wisdom to find the cause of her dilemma. 

Trusting is also important in times of the unknown. God promises never to let us down, regardless of life’s challenges. We can trust him to work things for our good—even things that appear bad. He has our best interests at heart. 

Additionally, believing God is sovereign helps control the anxiety and frustration level. If he isn’t, we have an even larger problem than the things causing our frustrations.

In my wife’s case, I believed God could guide the doctors to discover the reason for her health concerns and to give her the proper treatment. I also believed he could heal her without the doctor’s intervention, if he chose. 

Don’t let the frustration of the unknown lead you to doubt, anger, bitterness, or unbelief in a loving God. Instead, believe God loves you and has your situation under control. 

Father, we trust you to guide us safely into and through the unknowns of our lives. 

If you seek hope and healing because of hurts you have faced, then Hurt, Hope, and Healing is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Building Blocks of Healthy Relationships - Martin Wiles

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians5:21 NLT

“I remember when you used to…”

Anytime I hear my wife say the above, I know she will follow it with something I once did but don’t anymore—things like opening the door for her when she’s getting in the car or entering a store or coming up behind her and putting my arms around her neck while we’re shopping.

My wife has a memory like an elephant and recalls many things I’ve long forgotten. Among them is how our relationship was when we first married. I tell her our relationship has matured. She thinks, Now that you’ve got me, you think you don’t need to do those things anymore. We’re probably both right to a degree, but we must work to maintain healthy relationships.  

Paul gives a list of instructions for husbands and wives. Some women don’t like the submission part, while some husbands take issue with loving their wives enough to die for them. But Paul prefaces the instructions with a command for mutual submission. Doing this requires building blocks.

Mutual love and submission entail intentionality. If I’m not intentional or determined to love my wife as Christ loved the church or to submit to her as I desire her to submit to me, it won’t happen. Anything important requires our undivided attention.

Thoughtful words and actions are essential. My wife loves to hear me tell her I love her, but she wants to see love in action. Holding her hand, opening a car door, giving her a card, kissing her first thing in the morning—all little things that mean a lot.

Honesty is also critical. Dishonesty will wreck any marriage or relationship. I know. I’ve been on the receiving end of dishonesty, and it leads to a dead end. We build trust in small ways over many years, but one wrong move can destroy what it took years to build.

Additionally, faithfulness is a must for healthy relationships. It follows on the heels of honesty. In the marriage ceremony, I promised to be faithful to my one wife until death parts us. No good reason exists to break that promise as long as I’m in the relationship.

Yet, more important than any other block is including God. Relationships that exclude him are headed for failure from the start.

Use the correct building blocks to erect healthy relationships in your life.

Father, give me wisdom to build healthy relationships with those you send into my life. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Parental No-Nos - Martin Wiles

Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger by the way you treat them. Rather, bring them up with the discipline and instruction that comes from the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 NLT

Parenting isn’t for parents; it’s for the kids—meaning we must battle some parental no-nos.

Being a firstborn or only child isn’t always easy. I’m the oldest of three boys. The next appeared nine years later, and the third two years later. By the time my middle brother arrived, I could help care for him, relieving Mom and Dad of some of the stress.

As soon as I was old enough, my parents taught me to wash the dishes, fold the laundry, take out the trash, pick up my room, and cut the grass. When I was sixteen, Dad thought I needed to establish good credit. So, off to the furniture store we went, where I purchased a solid oak bedroom suite and charged it. This was one of many of Dad’s infamous ways to teach me responsibility, which I now appreciate.

Since I grew up in the 1960s and 70s, the haircut rule frustrated me. By this time, my father was a full-time preacher. Church folks tended to have expectations of the pastor’s children—one being that they would not be hippies. While Dad gave me a little leeway, it wasn’t as much as I wanted. He said two inches below the ear; I wanted four inches below the shoulder. Of course, he won out by giving me the infamous saying, “As long as your feet are under my table, you will do what I say.”

Eighteen was my benchmark. Long before it arrived, I made plans to move out as soon as I celebrated that birthday. And I did. The responsibility my parents taught me through various miserable exercises, however, made me what they hoped for: responsible. I found a job and a house to rent and faced the world.

By the time my two kids came along, I had mulled over some of my parents’ techniques—deciding which to keep, which to modify, and which to toss out with the bathwater. Looking back on my childhood, I concluded that much of what my parents did might have been for them, not me.

Don’t Live Your Failed Expectations Through Your Children

I don’t know what my dad’s childhood dreams were, but Mom’s dream was to become a concert pianist. With one quick word, “Yes,” her dream died, and at least one of Dad’s materialized: to marry her. She became a full-time secretary and soon a full-time preacher’s wife. Since she had been playing the piano since she was a child, she wanted a son who could play it as well. Men made better piano players, she thought. She tried her best, but I wasn’t interested.

I look back with regret on several things I didn’t do that my parents wanted. Nevertheless, when my two children came along, I approached things a little differently. Instead of making demands on them—that they play ball, run track, or get involved in gymnastics—my wife and I let them choose. Living out my childhood and teenage neglects through them wouldn’t soothe my regret.

Don’t Repeat Poor Parenting Techniques

Doing the same thing the same way and expecting different results defines insanity. Dad and Mom believed in spankings for insolent behavior, along with various other restrictions. Back then, they didn’t have to worry about teachers at school or a random stranger in the store calling the Department of Social Services. Their disciplinary methods would now lack political correctness.

I had quite a few years to consider my parents’ techniques before my two children came along. Some I held to; others I revamped or buried. I also thought about the theme of responsibility that ran so heavily through my childhood. To a degree, it seemed to interfere with my childhood.

For the most part, I found that my parents’ parenting methods were effective and honorable. I kept those. The few I thought lacked effectiveness, I tossed. I didn’t have to repeat the process.

Don’t Neglect Parenting Techniques That Teach

I think Mom and Dad designed a few of their disciplinary measures to relieve their stress or prove a point. After all, when I questioned some of them, I got the standard no-brainer answer: “Because I said so.”  

Discipline entails teaching. I wasn’t sure all my parents’ techniques did that—at least, positively. Nor did all their attempts to teach me responsibility.

Teaching my children to be who God created them to be was more important than repeating my parents’ parenting methods. After all, this parenting thing was supposed to be about them, not me or their mother.

No one ever said parenting was easy, but parenting isn’t about the parent. It’s about teaching children to be responsible citizens who will make a positive impact on their world. Remember, parenting isn’t for parents.

 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Feeling Forgotten - Martin Wiles

Suddenly, the angel of the LORD appeared to him as a blazing fire in a bush. Exodus 3:2 NLT

The deed had been done, as ugly as it was, and now I was feeling forgotten.

Marital breakups are never easy. No matter who’s at fault, the breakup can leave each partner feeling forgotten. Mine did. My aloneness was intensified when many of my professional friends suddenly left as well. Perhaps they didn’t know how to respond. Maybe they thought I needed time to gather my thoughts. Some may have been embarrassed to associate with me since our profession looked unfavorably on divorce. Only one or two checked to see how I was doing. 

I suppose Moses felt the same. When he killed an Egyptian who was beating one of his fellow countrymen, I imagine he thought he was doing the right thing. But when the king discovered the murder and placed a death sentence on him, he knew differently. Fleeing to the desert, he met a priest, married his daughter, and spent the next forty years tending sheep. In a split second, Moses went from the palace to the poorhouse and from being surrounded by hundreds of people to living with sheep.

When feeling forgotten, I try to remember that feelings don’t always mimic reality. Moses had a spouse, children, a father-in-law, and neighboring shepherds. I had community and church friends. I felt forgotten because my situation in life had changed, and because a few had chosen to cool our friendship.

But even if others forsake us, God never will. He didn’t leave Moses, and he didn’t leave me when my spouse did. He was as close as he had always been. The feelings of loneliness merely kept me from feeling his presence.

Though my situation made it difficult, I tried to surround myself with spiritual encouragers. People who would remind me of God’s promises, who would call periodically and check on me, and who would hug me and tell me everything would be okay. These people forged friendships that I still cherish today, many years after I felt forgotten.

When you pass through times that make you feel forgotten, remember God is always near.

Father, when I feel forgotten by others, remind me you always walk by my side. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing. No one escapes life's hurts, but we can move beyond them to hope and healing. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

A Serving of Laughter - Anita van der Elst

A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength. 

~Proverbs 17:22 NLT

Could finding humor in everyday situations be beneficial?

A comedy routine was not what I had in mind as I rolled out the dough. Not that making baking powder biscuits isn’t fun. I enjoy mixing the ingredients, kneading flour into the sticky dough, rolling it out on the breadboard, and cutting out perfect circles that turn into puffy clouds of tastiness. This process is repeated until all the dough is used up, except for those bits that aren’t enough to roll out anymore. Yet, even they don’t go to waste. I ball, flatten, and toss them onto the baking sheet. The oven-baked result is satisfied tummies, signified by smiles.

One evening, as dinner ended, I picked up the bread basket and held it out to my husband, seeing that a couple of biscuits remained. “There are two more biscuits left. Would you like them?” 

The expression on his face was a dubious one. “What’s wrong?” I asked. 

Widening his eyes, he replied, “What happened to them? How did they get that way?” 

I shrugged my shoulders. “What do you mean?” 

He pointed at the biscuits, “Why would I want two more biscuits? Look, they’re all lumpy.” 

I explained how they were the last ones made with the leftover dough. 

“Oh,” he said. “I thought you meant they had tumors. You know, tumor biscuits?” 

That’s when I realized he was pulling my leg. I don’t know why I didn't expect that because he’s pulled it since we started dating almost fifty years ago. In fact, it was one of the factors in his favor. He made me laugh.

With so many things in our world that upset, frighten, confuse, and madden us, finding ways to lift our spirits, cheer our hearts, and bring on giggles is important. Research shows that laughter boosts our immune system, lessens pain, and relieves stress.

Connecting with your funny bone might take an hour listening to a Christian comedian, reading a clean joke book, sharing humorous stories with friends, or even being offered the last of the biscuits. But it's worth it. So, go ahead and take a serving of laughter. 

Think of methods that will bring you a smile and a hearty laugh.

Anita van der Elst finds joy in creating with words, believing God gifted her with the desire to do so. Married to her best friend, Edward, since 1976, she is a proud mom of four adult children and Oma to three of the most delightful grandchildren ever. Other joys in her life include bringing beauty to Facebook through photos she takes on her iPhone, exploring the state parks in the PNW, facilitating a small group of women, and participating in a Bible study. 

I invite you to try my newest book, Grits, Grace, and Grands, in eBook or paperback. If you are a grandparent or just want to hear grandparent stories, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

How to Decide - Martin Wiles

And you will hear a voice say, “This is the way; turn around and walk here.” Isaiah 30:21 NLT

A multiplicity of choices can complicate our decision-making process.

My wife is the queen of slow when deciding what to wear. Very conscientious of how she looks, she will spend more time in a closet in one morning looking at clothes than I do in an entire week. She carefully takes the pieces of her prospective outfit from the rack and hangs them together to see how they look. This process may continue several times before she decides on an outfit she likes. Occasionally, she will ask, “How do you think this looks together?” My opinion really doesn’t matter, but I suppose it makes her feel better to ask. And, of course, I also appreciate her matching my clothes.

The ancient nation of Israel had a bad habit of listening to the wrong voices when making decisions. This habit cost them numerous defeats at the hands of their enemies and other forms of discipline from God. The prophet Isaiah reminded them that a better way to make decisions existed—one that still works today.

As believers, the first question we should consider when deciding is whether the choice is sinful. We have no acceptable time to decide to do something that will lead us down a sinful path. When those times come, we don’t even have to pray about what God would want us to do. He always wants us to say “No.”

Making decisions based on feelings is also not typically wise. Sinful choices—as well as other choices—can feel right but be very wrong. Sin often feels right. This is how Satan designs it. If it felt wrong, no one would sin—or at least not as often. We must learn to forego our feelings for facts and truth.

I’ve sought others’ opinions when faced with life-changing decisions. This is acceptable as long as we can trust them individually and if they base their views on scriptural truth.

We make our best decisions by faith, basing them on what God’s Word says. The truth of God’s Word trumps our feelings and others' opinions and will never lead us down a sinful course.

Make sure you always make your decisions based on the truth of God’s Word.

Father, thank You for the guiding power of Your Spirit when the time comes for us to make decisions. 

I invite you to try my newest book, Grits, Grace, and Grands, in eBook or paperback. If you are a grandparent or just want to hear grandparent stories, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

To Move or Not to Move - Martin Wiles

Give me an understanding heart so that I can govern your people well and know the difference between right and wrong. For who by himself is able to govern this great people of yours? 1 Kings 3:9 NLT

 

“I’m not moving … especially for five more dollars each month.”

 

Moving might not be a big thing for some people, but it was for me. When my wife wanted to move three doors down to another patio townhome just like our present one—and when I found out the rent would be higher—I refused. She didn’t understand, but I had already calculated. Another move would constitute twenty-nine moves in my lifetime.

 

Growing up as a preacher’s kid—and then becoming a preacher myself—meant moving often. When I did the math, I had only averaged staying in one place for just over two years. And in some places, my family had not stayed that long. Dad was a restless kind of fellow, at least until he got older.

 

I had stayed a little longer at the churches I pastored, but I had still passed through quite a few moves, just like dear old Dad. Presently, we were not living in a church-owned home, so moving from one church to another didn’t require changing residences. My wife just wanted to move because our current landlord didn’t do such a good job of keeping up with repairs.

 

Nor did the amount of stuff we owned make me balk at moving. We had downsized tremendously over the years. After all, not much room exists in a two-bedroom patio townhome. This time we wouldn’t even have to pack. We could handtruck our furniture down the back sidewalk and into our new home. And we could load a few totes at a time until we had moved everything. No boxes required.

 

Why my hesitancy then? Bad back, heel aches, arthritis, time, sweat, aggravation, change. All those things slithered into my mind when I thought of moving.

 

“Just listen to what the new landlord has to say,” my wife pleaded.

 

So, I did. And as you might imagine, as I write this, I’m sitting in my recliner in my new home—three doors down. The decision wasn’t easy, but in the end, it appeared the best thing to do. We wouldn’t have to worry about our new landlords selling the townhome from under us. It constituted their retirement income—or so they told us. But all this changed later when home prices skyrocketed, making selling look quite attractive. We’d move again.  

 

King Solomon had many decisions before him. God had appointed him as the new king of Israel after his father, David, retired from the throne. But Solomon recognized he needed wisdom to govern God’s people. When God told him to ask for anything he wanted, Solomon asked for wisdom—probably not an easy decision when he could have asked for many other things that would have brought him temporary pleasure.

 

Decisions are a part of life. Every day. Some we make without much thought at all—perhaps without any. But some are not so easy. Life-changing we might say. Difficult. Thought-provoking.

 

Whether large or small, significant or insignificant, Solomon’s actions provide a good example. He prayed. Always a good place to start. God really does care about the details of our lives and wants to be involved. After all, He knows the plans He has for us—and we often don’t. God is the author of wisdom—the kind we need to get through life without making a bunch of mindless mistakes. And when we ask for wisdom, God promises to grant our request.

 

We can’t undo many of our life’s decisions, so after we make the decision we shouldn’t look back—or live with regret. I’ve been able to undo a few bad decisions in my life … but only a few. Once we’ve decided, we need to move forward—good or bad—and make the best of the new normal we have invited, trusting that God will work all things for our good and His glory. Living with regret over past poor decisions only makes us miserable and keeps us focused on the past rather than on the glorious future God has in store.

 

Trust God to help you make your life decisions. Then, you won’t have to look back with regret.

 

Father, give me wisdom for every decision I must make in life.

Tweetable: How do you make decisions? 

I invite you to try my newest book, Grits, Grace, and Grands, in eBook or paperback. If you are a grandparent, parent, or someone who wants to learn from grandparents, this is the book for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Entrusted with More - Martin Wiles

If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities. Luke 16:10 NLT

 

I was faithful with a little, and she gave me more.

 

As I sat in the backyard on our old glider, looking at all our doo dads and old things that hung on the privacy fence and sat around in the yard, I noticed what rust had done. Paint peeled from our old milk cans. Things once black now boasted a completely orange shade. And the glider I sat on? Every color it had ever been painted bled through as rust ate away each layer and the paint peeled away.

 

Looking at a set of wind chimes with a bell and a bird on top that I had given my wife years ago, I decided to check the storage building for black spray paint. Sure enough, I had a little. I sprayed the chimes. They looked so good I decided to paint the shepherd’s hook they hung on. Then I moved on to the rooster bell that hung by the back gate. Proud of my work—and out of paint—I decided to check the shed for more. Two more cans. What more could I paint? I moved on to the two old milk cans. By this time, I had run out of paint.

 

Peeking my head in the door, I shouted for my wife, “Come look at what I did.”

 

She liked my work—but quickly said, “Why don’t you paint our outside table and chairs.”

 

Off to the store she went to buy more paint. She got the cheapest kind, which ran like water when I sprayed it, but I used it anyway. Chairs and table painted.

 

“Why don’t you paint the glider also,” she asked when I finished.

 

Back to the store I went, but for a higher grade of spray paint. Three cans later, I had painted the glider. All of our outside furniture and implements matched, and the rust had been held at bay—at least for a while. I did a good job with little, and my wife entrusted me with more.

 

Jesus told of a rich man who had a manager who wasted the rich man’s money. The manager, knowing he was about to be fired, went to those who owed his master money and reduced their debt, thinking they would help him once his boss fired him. Although not agreeing with his manager’s actions, the rich man praised his ingenuity. Jesus concluded by saying if we are faithful with little things, we will be faithful with larger ones, too.

 

God has work for us to do. The work He gives us typically starts on a small scale. When we prove our faithfulness with the little things, He often gives us larger or more important tasks to complete. Of course, God already knows how we’ll perform with the small tasks, so our faithfulness is for our benefit, not His.

 

And God’s work has meaning. He doesn’t just give us busy work to keep us … well … busy. God’s jobs have Kingdom implications. They make a local impact … and sometimes a world impact. Perhaps, even an eternal impact.

 

God notices our motives when we work for Him, and when our motives are pure—unlike those of the shrewd manager—God entrusts us with more. Our duty is to be faithful and ensure God receives all the credit for the outcome. After all, this life is not about us, but Him.

 

Tweetable: Do your best with what God entrusts to you.

 

Father, prompt me to do the best with the work You give me to do. 

If you enjoyed this devotion, please share it with your friends. 

I invite you to try my newest book, Life's Many Moods: A Collection of Poetry, in eBook or paperback. Throughout the years, poets have expressed emotions in various ways through the picturesque method of poetry. Click on the title above to order your copy today. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

Junking for Jewels - Martin Wiles

For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn, with many brothers and sisters. Romans 8:29 NLT

We can sometimes find jewels among junk. My wife calls it “junking for jewels,” and she once did it quite often.

When possible, I tagged along. We didn’t visit junkyards or stores, but we called what we did junking because we did it among a lot of discarded stuff—stuff many termed junk. We, however, adhered to the old cliché, “One’s man trash is another man’s treasure.”

Our junking occasionally took us to yard sales but more often to thrift stores. Whenever we went to a conference or on vacation, my wife searched for thrift stores, mapped them out, and visited each one. Once we discovered our jewels, we took them home and made them look more like the treasures they once were. We placed them in the dishwasher or washing machine, splattered them with lemon oil, or tightened their loose joints with a screwdriver or hammer.

Once our jewels were cleaned and repaired, we made a decision. Some we chose to keep in our home. Most we resold, sometimes for a handsome profit. One person’s junk often helped us make ends meet.

When God gazes down from heaven, He sees discarded people littering the shelves of earth—people others have rejected, abused, and scorned. People, however, He created and loves, but many of whom have rejected Him. Sin has duped them, causing them to think they no longer need Him. Sin has led them in directions that are slowly killing them emotionally, spiritually, and physically. God, however, keeps junking.

God cleans us up when we allow Him to purchase us through repentance, forgiveness, and salvation. The blood of Christ washes us, the grace of God changes our perceived purpose, and the strength of God allows us to enjoy life once again. As God molds us into the likeness of His Son, He transforms us from junk into jewels.

God is in the business of making jewels of what many consider junk. 

Tweetable: Be one of the ones God is cleaning and restoring.

Father, thank You for Your amazing grace that makes me more than I could ever be. 

If you enjoyed this devotion, please share it with your friends. 

I invite you to try my newest book, Life's Many Moods: A Collection of Poetry, in eBook or paperback. Throughout the years, poets have expressed emotions in various ways through the picturesque method of poetry. Click on the title above to order your copy today. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.