When others share their painful situations, I’m sometimes a miserable comforter. Whether I ask them or not, I wonder what gruesome sin they have committed that has resulted in their dire straits. Or worse yet, I’ve uttered some infamous statements: “I know how you feel,” or “Let me know if you need anything.” Then I walk off, end the text, or tap the end button on my smartphone, never to check on them again.
Job’s situation was almost beyond description. He lost roughly everything he had. The comfort his friends gave consisted of “You have sinned against God. You need to confess.” Job’s wife told him to curse God and die. In the midst of excruciating circumstances, Job received a large dose of miserable comfort.
If we want to avoid being miserable comforters, we must show understanding. Perhaps the person we’re comforting has sinned and is suffering the consequences. Remembering that we’re not above sin enables us to provide proper comfort. Since no one is perfect, no one is beyond any particular sinful act. Often, as in Job’s case, the painful situation is through no fault of the sufferer. Suffering can merely be a consequence of living in a fallen world.
Good comforters listen. Miserable comforters do all the talking. Those passing through troubled waters may need to vent. We should let them without judging. Venting can be a part of the healing process.
Miserable comforters don’t pray with the person who is hurting. Good comforters do. Not prayers of pomposity but sincere prayers for the person who is suffering that God would grant them comfort, wisdom, and guidance.
Good comforters aren’t afraid to cry with the one who is suffering. Shedding tears with them is one way to help them carry their burden.
Miserable comforters use clichés and religious platitudes; good comforters avoid them. The one suffering doesn’t need to hear, “Time heals all wounds,” “I know how you feel,” or “God just needed another angel in heaven.” Clichés and holier-than-thou attitudes—even when given sincerely—won’t help the one who needs comfort.
And when the timing is right, sharing comfort from God’s Word is always appropriate. Job’s friends tried this, but their interpretations were wrong.
Think of steps you can take to avoid being a miserable comforter.
Father, help me share with others the type of comfort You give me when I am hurting.
I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.
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