A Time to Be Silent - Martin Wiles

But the people were silent and did not answer because Hezekiah had told them not to speak. Isaiah 36:21 NLT

“You know what your problem is? You don’t know when to shut up and when to speak up.”

I heard the quote from an actor on television, but couldn’t help but think of a person I once knew. When their name appeared on my smartphone’s screen, I sometimes cringed—especially if I was in a hurry. They tended to ramble. Sometimes I never knew why they called. When my wife asked why they called, I often said, “I’m not really sure.” Telling them I was eating or had company meant nothing. 

Nor was my friend easy to have a conversation with. Sometimes I would call them with news or to ask a question. As soon as I shared what I called to tell them, they launched into a story about someone else who may have had a similar issue to mine. They simply had never learned the art of being silent.

King Hezekiah was ruling in the southern kingdom of a divided Israeli nation. When an Assyrian representative invited the people to surrender to his forces, they remained quiet. The king had told them it was a time for silence. 

I admit there have been many times when I’ve not done much better than my friend. I’ve rambled on, interrupted, or jumped into the middle of someone else’s story.

I have learned many words usually lead to trouble. The rest of the introductory quote went something like this: “That makes you a fool.” 

When we talk more than we should, we'll typically say something we shouldn’t. Perhaps we’ll share a tidbit of gossip. We may let an unkind remark slip. At the very least, talking when we should be listening means we’ll share something that doesn’t have to be shared. Much in any situation is better left unsaid.

When we're never silent, it also keeps us from listening. I continually remind myself that God gave me two ears for a reason. Unfortunately, my tongue seems to get in the way more than it should. 

The people on the wall listened to Hezekiah, but we don’t always do such a good job of listening to God and others. One thing’s for sure: talking and listening are mutually exclusive.

There are times when silence is truly golden. Ask God for wisdom to know when your times of silence are.

Father, give me the wisdom to know when to speak up and when to remain silent. 

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Less Talk and More Wisdom - Martin Wiles

Even fools are thought to be wise when they keep silent; when they keep their mouths shut, they seem intelligent. Proverbs 17:28 NLT

“It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” Several have said it in various configurations. Regardless of the version, each entails less talk and more wisdom. 

When I was young, I acted foolishly in many ways. One was talking during church. I suppose the church my dad pastored didn’t have a nursery. These were the days when children still cut their teeth on church pews and were taught to remain silent during church. Acting childishly resulted in a trip outside or to a back classroom for a learning lesson applied to the hindquarters.

My saintly grandmother, who didn’t want her only grandson getting a spanking, brought along a pocketful of chocolate candy, silver bells as I called them. Stuffing my mouth with them for forty-five minutes probably wasn’t healthy, but it helped me keep my mouth closed.

Wise King Solomon had a lot to say about when and what a person should and should not say when they did speak.

Less talk promotes selflessness. Life was about me as a youngster—and for some years thereafter. Kids are narcissistic; so are some adults. But life isn’t about us. By reducing the number of words we speak, we learn to hear about what’s going on in others’ lives.

Talking less enables us to actually hear what others are saying. The other person doesn’t stand a chance if we're doing all the talking. Nor can we hear them if we’re silent but mulling over what we will say when they finish talking. That’s called lack of focus—or focusing on the wrong thing. Looking at the person speaking helps us listen and digest what they’re sharing.

Being a person of few words also helps us consider the importance of our words. One of my college professors had an annoying habit of pausing before he answered a question—so much so that I wanted to answer for him. Later, I understood his reasoning. He thought before he spoke—which, by the way, saves from making many foolish statements.

Listening more than we speak opens up opportunities for us to help others. We hear and understand what they’re saying, and then we can speak and act wisely.

Think of ways you could speak less so others can talk more.

Father, give me wisdom to know when to speak and when to remain silent. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

What’s in a Word? Part 4 - Martin Wiles

Blessing and cursing come pouring out of the same mouth. Surely, my brothers and sisters, this is not right! James 3:10 NLT

And to think, we were glad when he learned to talk.

Our second grandchild was slow in beginning to talk. He seemed beyond the typical age when his first words rolled off his tongue. Although we didn’t say anything to our daughter, my wife and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was autistic or challenged in other ways. Then things changed. Almost overnight, new words poured out. Before long, he spoke in broken sentences. Soon, we found ourselves having to be cautious about what we said. He would parrot our words, most of which he didn’t understand. He merely repeated them.

According to James, random words and sentences come from our mouths--words that lift others up and tear others down.

Words reflect our thoughts. Jesus said what was in our hearts would come out in our speech. A commonsense conclusion. When our hearts are pure, words with the same quality will seep from our mouths. An impure heart produces the opposite. If someone wants to know what we think about most of the time, all they must do is spend a little time with us.

Words determine direction. Psychologists call this a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we tell ourselves regularly—what counselors call self-talk—usually plays itself out in our actions. If we constantly tell ourselves how incapable we are and how we’ll never amount to anything—while at the same time wondering why God even created us—our direction in life will follow a disappointing vein. We’ll avoid new pursuits and probably miss God’s plan.

Words are examined by God. God knows the words that make up our thoughts, regardless of whether we ever speak or write them. Our prayer should be that the words of our hearts would be acceptable in God’s sight.

Words can reflect hypocrisy. We can build someone up to their face and tear them down behind their back. We can pretend to love them in their presence but attempt to destroy them when we’re not. Contradictory practices such as those reveal a divided and hypocritical heart.

Examine the thoughts of your heart so the words that follow will please God.

Father, give me wisdom and courage to speak words that reflect my love for You and my concern for others. 

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Don’t Say That Word - Martin Wiles

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 NLT

When a grandchild says, “Don’t say that word,” I listen.

Although one of our grandchildren was slow beginning to talk, he caught up nicely. Soon, he spoke in sentences—which made our job a little more difficult as we tried to understand what he said. From the beginning, we taught him not to say “shut up.” “Hush” was a better word choice in our opinion.

Enter our then-mouthy Chihuahua, who needed to be quiet numerous times daily. As I issued those instructions one day, my grandson politely said, “No, you don’t say dat word.” 

“What should I say,” I responded.

“You say, ‘Be quiet,’” he said.

We're not quite sure where he learned some things he said. They had not come from us, his parents, or any television show he watched. Saying comical things just seems to be a way of life for him. Then again, there are some things he picked up from media sources that we wish he wouldn’t.

One translation uses the word unwholesome instead of foul or abusive. At first glance, I might associate this with the third commandment: “Do not misuse the name of the LORD your God” (Exodus 20:7 NLT). In other words, don’t cuss. But the instruction goes much further than four-letter words, so avoiding cursing won’t let me off the hook. And while I think more about wrong actions grieving God’s Spirit, unwholesome language will do the trick, also.

Speaking words that reflect bitterness toward another person is unwholesome. Gossiping will accomplish the same thing, whether what we say is true. Some things are just better left unsaid. Processing anger in unhealthy ways is also a part of the mix. As is just having a bad attitude and letting our words reflect it so everyone else can see it plainly as well.

Asking whether what we’re about to say is necessary, accurate, and uplifting is an excellent place to start, but we can’t stop there. Examining the root source our words arise from and considering the words we’re acting out in pictures are essential, too. If we don’t get to the source, we’ll keep saying “dat word.”

What do your words say about you to others?

Father, may the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in Your sight. 

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Talking the Talk - Martin Wiles

Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 NLT

The young lady was talking . . . but not to me.

I entered the establishment to pay our monthly bill. Two young ladies busied themselves helping other customers . . . or so it appeared. One stood behind the counter, talking on the phone to the customer she assisted. The other sat behind a desk. As I walked through the doorway, the one behind the desk asked if she could help me. I wondered how she could help me when I had just heard her talking to someone on the phone.

I told her what I needed and heard her say, “Hold on.” I thought she was talking to me, but she wasn’t. That’s when I noticed the Bluetooth earpiece hidden in her ear and disguised by her hair. If she could tell the person she was talking with to hold on, obviously, she was on a personal call—something I assumed store policy forbade.

As she helped me, she continued to talk with the other person. In the middle of completing my transaction, she told them to hold on again, but then said, “Hello.” Now, she was in a three-way conversation: two personal and one business. I held my tongue, although I wanted to tell her if she wanted my business, she needed to tend to me and not her personal affairs.

This young lady had mastered the art of multi-tasking, even if doing so violated business policy—and is impossible. I’m sure she wouldn’t have appreciated me talking on my cell phone while she tried to wait on me. In fact, many businesses have a sign prohibiting customers from doing so.

Paul addresses the matter of talking, telling us to use words that help, encourage, and uplift.

I love technology as much as the next person. Having grown up in a world where I didn’t have the luxury of many forms of it, I enjoy it now. But it can interfere with personal interaction if we’re not careful.

When we talk to others, we need to recognize their worth. Trying to divide our attention between them and a phone call or texting with someone else might send the message that the conversation—or the person we’re talking with—isn’t that important at all. God has created everyone uniquely and for a purpose. Giving them our full attention when we’re talking with them recognizes this. Eye contact is still essential.

And since enough negativity decorates our world, we need to spew words that encourage others rather than take them down another notch. When we depend on God to guide our speech, He’ll give us the right words to say.

When you talk the talk, do it in a considerate and loving manner.

Prayer: Father, put words in our mouths that build others us, not tear them down. 

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Meandering Monday - Speak Less - Martin Wiles

Welcome to Meandering Monday, where we take a trip back to an earlier post and enjoy it again.

Too much talk leads to sin. Be sensible and keep your mouth shut. Proverbs 10:19 NLT

Dan was a man of few words. His brother Phil said even less.

I met both while in my late twenties when I became pastor of the church they attended. When in private conversation with them, Dan would talk while Phil just stood and listened—occasionally offering a comment. In meetings where disagreement ran rife, neither said a word until they had listened to everyone else’s take on the subject. They always worked for unity and actually believed it could be achieved—but with few rather than many words. Dan’s favorite saying was, “There’s always common ground if we look for it.” I appreciated the wisdom they offered in their few words.  

Solomon was the wisest man who ever lived, and his tidbits of wisdom about speech can save us from arguments, promote unity, and enhance relationships. Ruling a large kingdom and having hundreds of wives and mistresses, he surely knew a little about when to talk and when to keep his mouth shut.    

Wise lips avoid slander. Slandering others is foolish and never results in anything beneficial. All people have some good in them, and I’ll see it if I look deeply enough. Tearing them down with words only makes us look bad to the person who is listening to our gossip.

Wise lips articulate less rather than more words. The old saying, “less is more,” is true when it comes to speaking. When we talk excessively—and without thought—it is almost inevitable that we’ll say something that should have been left unsaid.

Wise lips speak godly things. What’s on the inside will come out—often in our speech. Making sure our insides are clean before God ensures our speech will be also.

And wise lips give advice that enhances other’s life journey. Life isn’t all about us, and we’re wiser when we encourage others rather than seek praise and approval for ourselves.

When you speak, ask, “Is what I’m about to say kind, necessary, and true?”

Prayer: Father, may the words of our mouths honor You and build others up.

Tweetable: Are you speaking up too much?  

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Tell Someone - Martin Wiles

Come and listen, all you who fear God, and I will tell you what he did for me. Psalm 66:16 NLT

“Now, don’t tell anyone.”

I have a friend who loves a juicy piece of gossip. He doesn’t mean to share anything that would harm anyone else—he’s the kindest and most helpful person you’d ever want to meet—but he just can’t help spreading a little news.

Often, in our conversations together, I ask him to keep what I had told him confidential. He promises he will. But later, I would always run into someone who knew what I had told my friend. Knowing there was no other way they could have discovered the information, I realized my friend had told them.

Of course, he liked to tell me the same thing when he found out something about someone. His “Now, don’t tell anyone” followed many stories he shared with me. Interestingly, I didn’t have to worry about telling anyone. He’d take care of that.

I learned over time that I had to be careful what I shared with him. If I didn’t want something told, I better not tell him. He just couldn’t help telling someone. He had the gift of gab, and in his too much talk came too much information.

The psalmist wanted to tell something too, but what he had to share needed sharing. He wanted to tell others what God had done for him. He cried out to God when he recognized his sinfulness, and God came to his rescue by forgiving him. God could have turned His face away from the psalmist, but He didn’t.

While we shouldn’t be spreaders of gossip, we should share how God has and does work in our lives. Our world appears a hopeless place, but as believers, we have words of hope that others need to hear. Our world is often a joyless place, but we have a lifestyle to share that ushers in joy regardless of our circumstances. Keeping our discoveries a secret keeps others from enjoying the hope and joy we live with.

We also have an eternal lover who keeps giving us love no matter how many times we fail to do the same for Him. Our Savior loves us unconditionally, and He is always there for us when we need Him. Through our walk with Him, we discover there’s more to life than getting and trying to maintain stuff. A relationship with Him that never grows old awaits us. And that needs to be told.

Who have you not told about God, but need to?

Prayer: Father, motivate us to spread the good news of Your love. 

Tweetable: What are you telling that you shouldn't? 

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Walk-on Wednesday - Recognizing God’s Voice - Martin Wiles

Welcome to Walk-on Wednesday. By Hump Day, we are struggling, but we believe a good devotion can strengthen us to finish the week strong. 

So he said to Samuel, “Go and lie down again, and if someone calls again, say, ‘Speak, Lord, your servant is listening.’” 1 Samuel 3:9 NLT

My cousin and I were simple country boys who loved to romp through the woods for hours at a time.

Times were simpler then than now. No cell phones. No video games. Only our youth and imaginations. Our parents and grandparents didn’t fear someone would kidnap or murder us. We roamed at will as long as we listened for the voice—in our case, our grandmother’s car horn. We may have heard other horns in the distance, but this one we recognized. When we heard it, we listened and obeyed.

Young Samuel assisted Eli, the aged priest, in God’s work, but he’d never heard God’s voice before. Messages from God were rare. But to follow God’s directive, Samuel had to recognize his voice.

Listening to the right voices can determine or destroy our life course. Recognizing God’s voice requires training, just as young Samuel had to learn to distinguish it from the other voices that commanded his attention. In his time, Samuel may have heard an audible voice. Presently, however, we won’t be so fortunate. God speaks through his Spirit to our spirits, so we must learn to hear him spiritually rather than audibly.

When God speaks, what he says will always agree with his Word. Anything we think we’ve heard that contradicts that comes not from God but the enemy of our souls. Just as becoming a good listener takes practice, so learning to listen for and to God also requires the same. Hearing God isn’t an automatic process.

Listening to God also demands silence. Silence is difficult in our busy, noisy world. Even doing good things can steal our listening time from God. Jesus left the crowds for a mountaintop meeting with his Father. He often rose early in the morning to speak with his Father. We must be still and know he is God.

Have you learned the art of recognizing God’s voice?

Prayer: Lord Jesus, give us the spiritual wisdom to recognize Your voice so that we might obey Your directives. 

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Flashback Friday - Bilingual Communication - Martin Wiles

Bilingual Communication

We can make a large horse go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth.  And a small rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot chooses to go. James 3:3-4 NLT

When in a marriage or serious relationship, learning your partner’s language is critical.

As in the earlier years of her history, the United States is seeing a large influx of immigrants—presently Hispanic. Public opinion remains divided over immigration, but one thing is certain: we must learn each other’s language if we’re going to co-exist. Their children must learn the official language of America in order to attend school. Adults must learn at least a little English to be able to exist in our culture. Many businesses and service providers have made accommodations to make the transition easier. Spanish is printed on food substances, public signs, and is an option at most places where business transactions are made. America is making a valiant attempt to be bilingual. Read more...

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Flashback Friday - What Speech Says - Martin Wiles

What Speech Says

Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. Ephesians 4:29 NLT

The tongue has no eraser, and mine just wrote a gang of words I wished I could expunge. 

I was new to the local town, having temporarily moved back in with my parents while I searched for employment. One of the area’s popular attractions on Saturday morning was the local flea market. Folks would gather to shop and commune with friends. On this particular Saturday, Mom had rented a booth to dispose of some odds and ends. Since Dad wasn’t the flea market variety, she chose me as her assistant. As we pulled up to our assigned booth and began unloading our wares, I noticed the neighboring seller unloading some of his treasures on one of our tables. When I confronted him, he mouthed something about that being his table. I jawed some unmentionables right back at him, informing him the table was ours. Mom was upset and embarrassed—not because of his using one of our tables but because he was a church member that I’d just cursed out. When she informed me, I looked for the eraser. Read more...

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Sealed Lips - Martin Wiles

Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips. Psalm 141:3 NLT

Some things seal better than others.

My wife and I discovered this when she had shoulder surgery. The doctor did not issue her an ice machine afterward but simply told her to ice the incision area to keep down swelling. Since we didn’t have an ice pack available at the moment, I took a freezer bag—a cheap freezer bag—filled it with ice, and placed it on her shoulder.

In short order, the ice melted. Prior to my going to bed, I filled the freezer bag full and placed it on her shoulder. The next morning, the melted ice water had leaked from the bag, ran down her shoulder, and soaked her clothes. A cheap freezer bag doing what cheap freezer bags do.

I buy store brands for most things, but some store brands are just not as good. Matching up the seams is next to impossible. Once sealed, the seam is easy to open or to come open on its own, making it a poor choice for an ice pack or for anything else in liquid form.

The psalmist begged for God to guard or seal his lips. Not that he never wanted to talk but that he wanted to be careful when he did.

If I could control my tongue, I could save myself a lot of trouble. And I’ve met several people in my life who I could say the same of. In fact, what the psalmist asks God to do is something everyone should ask God to do.

One research found that we open our mouths around 700 times each day. I imagine many of those times I do so without thinking. Like the woman who once introduced herself to me and then said, “I speak before I think.” I’ve been with her more times than I care to admit, but keeping my mouth shut more cures the problem of speaking before I think.

Keeping our mouths closed more than open cuts down on gossip. The less I open my mouth, the less likely I will say things about others I shouldn’t. And it also silences those who might falsely accuse us as Christians. What comes from our mouths should reflect our character—and the name of Christ.

Ask God to guard your lips so that what you say will build others up and honor the name of Christ.

Prayer: Father, give us wisdom to know when to speak up and when to shut up.

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Throwback Tuesday - Talk Really Isn’t Cheap - Martin Wiles

Talk Really Isn’t Cheap

What I say may very well cost me and others a great deal.

“Talk is cheap” is an idiom that expresses one's doubt over a particular course of action. Husband to wife: “One day I’m going to buy you a brand new dishwasher.” Three years later when he makes that statement, the wife responds, “Talk is cheap.” Boss to an employee: “Hopefully, this will be the year I’ll be able to give you a promotion and raise.” Two years later when he coughs up the remark, the employee mutters under his breath, “Talk is cheap.” For years now, I’ve been telling my wife that I’ll actually buy her a diamond you can see without using a magnifying glass. So far, my talk has been cheap—though not intentionally. When actions don’t follow repeated promises, the talk becomes cheap. Only when the promise is fulfilled do the words spoken carry value. Read more...

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Throwback Tuesday - Taming the Tongue - Martin Wiles

Taming the Tongue

If it can’t be tamed, why bother trying?

I’ve never tamed something wild, but I have trained a few wild domesticated animals. Presently we have a cat named Emma which we adopted from the animal shelter. She wasn’t our first choice, but somehow she found her way into our house anyway. It wasn’t long before we wondered if we had made the better selection. Emma was young and wild, but through scolding, bribing, swatting, and water squirting we have brought her rambunctiousness under control. Read more...

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