Flashback Friday - Good Grief - Martin Wiles

Good Grief

I weep with grief; encourage me by your word. Psalm 119:28 NLT

I remember it as the one time in my life when I openly grieved. I don’t come from a crying family. If we shed tears, we did so in private…and then only for brief episodes. But for me, grieving changed when my father died. I thought I was handling it well as I watched him die in an Atlanta hospital. I even kept my composure when we went to the funeral home to view his body prior to the funeral. But during the funeral—as songs were played that my father loved, I lost my composure. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t hold back the tears or even the open weeping. This grief was different, but it was good. It helped me process my loss. Read more...

Tweetable: Don't let grief get the best of you. 

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Good Comforting - Martin Wiles

I have heard all this before. What miserable comforters you are! Job 16:2 NLT

Regardless of where she went, she couldn’t find comfort.

Leah and her husband were never apart. They even volunteered at the same place after they retired. Both appeared to be in good health, so you can imagine Leah’s shock when her husband dropped dead. Jeff was outside cutting grass. He had no recent health concerns. But when Leah saw him stumble into the doorway and say he wasn’t feeling well, she could see something wasn’t right. Within a few minutes, he had slumped over, never to recover.

Although months have passed since Jeff’s death, Leah still mourns and suffers from anxiety and depression. She has been to counselors, pastors, and friends, but nothing seems to soothe her pain. She can’t focus and struggles to make it through each day. She left her old church, saying she just couldn’t stand to attend without Jeff. Leah longs for lasting comfort, but can’t find it anywhere.

Job didn’t find it with his fair-weather friends either. He had lost almost everything a person could lose and still survive. What’s worse, God permitted his woes to prove to Satan that Job would maintain his loyalty to God despite extreme adversity. The only comfort Job’s friends could muster was telling him he had sinned. Confess, and things will get better was their advice. Job, however, had nothing to confess. He maintained his innocence and muddled through his pain and sorrow.

Job’s friends did what is typical. They thought they had to say something to soothe his grief—and they did. But what they said didn’t do the trick nor was it biblically sound. Telling someone God needed another angel or that you know how they feel is hollow comforting. God doesn’t take life to get angels, nor do humans become angels after death. And no two people experience the same episode in similar ways.

Presence in the midst of grief is better than words. Sharing truth from God’s Word can be comforting, but timing is critical. Sitting and listening and letting the person cry on your shoulder is better. When the time is right, they’ll ask, and then you can share words of wisdom they might need to hear. For the moment, silence is golden, and practical help is priceless.

Comforting those who grieve is tricky business. Before you speak or act, pray and ask God for direction and wisdom.

Prayer: Father, give us wisdom to know how to comfort those who are hurting with grief.

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Grief My Way - Martin Wiles

Then David got up from the ground, washed himself, put on lotions, and changed his clothes. He went to the Tabernacle and worshiped the Lord. After that, he returned to the palace and was served food and ate. 2 Samuel 12:20 NLT

The family gathered around his bed and watched his body jerk and convulse—then fall silent.

A work-related accident had disabled Mike many years before. Though he managed to work a few jobs for short periods of times, he couldn’t hold a job long-term. Then he realized a dream—owning a store. Things went well for a time—until the widow-maker hit. Fortunately, it didn’t make one of his wife. His store was located across from a rescue station. As he collapsed, he motioned for rescue personnel. They got to him in time, but his heart suffered irreparable damage. Because other organs in his body weren’t healthy either, doctors turned down his appeal for a heart transplant. 

Now Mike’s family gathered around his bed at the local Hospice house. Doctors had informed them their loved one’s body was shutting down. It would only be a few days or a week at the most. As his body floundered involuntarily, nurses assured the family he wasn’t in pain. In the early hours of the morning—when everyone had left except his sister and nephew, he gave up the fight.

I looked on as reactions to Mike’s death varied. Some sobbed uncontrollably, some shed only a few tears, some shed no tears at all, and some chose not to see him in his final state but to remember him as he was.

David’s reaction to his child’s death puzzled some. He grieved while the child lingered between life and death, but when the child died David got up and returned to life as normal.

Some don’t understand those who cry hysterically while others don’t understand those who don’t shed a tear. And refusing to look on a loved one in their final hours is incomprehensible to others.

Grieving is personal, and people do it different ways. 

I didn’t shed a tear when my father took his final breath, but I cried uncontrollably at his funeral. I’ve watched others sit silently in shock with no tears.

How we grieve is not as important as the fact that we do. Keeping our sorrow inside damages us physically and emotionally. Other’s opinions of our grief may hurt us but don’t matter in the long run. What matters is that we mourn our loss.

When loss incurs in your life, grieve your way.

Prayer: Father, give us the courage to grieve our own way when loss enters our life, but at the same time to trust You for our comfort. 

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The Death Vigil - Martin Wiles

Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 2 Corinthians 5:8 NLT

He lay almost motionless—a Superman tattoo on his arm.

My brother-in-law often kidded that he was Superman. And he had been. He survived things that had killed many people. Though a young man, several heart attacks had damaged his heart beyond repair.

Not only had he survived health issues, but he had also made it through many years of reckless living. He had endured beatings, robberies, and a near fatal shooting. He made it through work injuries. When the list was perused, I could understand the Superman tattoo on his arm as well as his mentality.

At last, the great leveler of all mankind had conquered him. Doctors had done all they could. Now he lay in a hospital bed in a local Hospice house. The doctor talked to the family. His body was shutting down. There was nothing else they could do but make him comfortable. My wife swabbed his mouth, used a machine to suck draining body fluids, held her phone to his ear while playing one of his favorite songs, and cried. Family members took turns talking to him and expressing their love.

Had his dilemma happened six months ago, we would have been more worried. A part of his reckless living was holding God at arm’s length. He grew up going to church but had left that part of his life many years before. Though filled with grief, we weren’t as worried now. He recently made his peace with God and spoke often of his readiness to meet his Savior. Our hearts were comforted.

Paul also took security in knowing that if persecution took his life he would immediately be in heaven with his Savior.

Losing a loved one is never easy, but knowing they will enter heaven’s gates and that we will see them again in eternity makes the process easier. 

Heaven isn’t a pie-in-the-sky fairy tale believed by those who need courage to face death but an actual place prepared for those who choose to follow Jesus Christ. Jesus said there are many rooms there—enough for as many as believe in Him.

Our family took comfort in knowing our loved one would be waiting on us. We invite you to join us. 

Believe today. Don’t wait until it’s too late.

Prayer: Father, thank You for preparing a place for those who love and choose to follow You. 

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