Refined by Sorrow - Martin Wiles

Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. Ecclesiastes 7:3 NLT

Never had I witnessed refined by sorrow in such a drastic manner.

When times of deep sorrow strike, many choose the road of bitterness toward God. “If God’s as good as you claim, why did …,” they ask. And I’ve wondered the same thing when traveling roads of sorrow. Not James. He and his wife rarely attended church. Only through the grapevine did I learn they were facing marital challenges.

Late one evening, I received a call about a wreck involving James’ wife and child. His wife and infant son had been in a wreck. The wife was banged up and in shock, but the child was dead.

Following the funeral and several days of intense grieving, James began attending church regularly. Actually, every time the doors opened. Soon, he walked the aisle, recommitted his life to Christ, and requested baptism. He continued to grow spiritually and, within a year of the accident, served as a deacon in the church. Sorrow had refined him.

What wise King Solomon says seems ludicrous. Who in their right mind would rather have sorrow than laughter? But his conclusion is accurate: sadness has a refining influence.

Periods of sorrow remind me I have little, if any, jurisdiction over most of what happens to me. In hindsight, I see how I could have changed the course of some of my travels, but most were outside my control.

Knowing God has a determinative and permissive will helps. Some things will happen because he determines they will, while others occur because he permits them—even though they aren’t in his perfect plan. Understanding this requires faith and our admitting that we can’t always understand God’s ways. They are higher than our ways.

But if we respond correctly, sorrow will refine our relationship with God by moving us closer to him. Knowing he’s in control will replace worry and anxiety. We’ll plunge deeply into his Word and run to him through prayer. Sorrow can also foster greater perseverance and patience. After all, we have a hope unbelievers don’t.

Don’t let the sorrow that comes from living in a sinful world depress you. God loves you and controls your life events. If you let him, he will refine you through sorrow.

Father, when times of sorrow encroach upon my life, help me trust you to use them as refining tools that will enable me to grow spiritually. 

I invite you to try my book Hurt, Hope, and Healing in eBook or paperback. If you seek hope and healing because of the hurts you have faced, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

How to Trust God When You Can’t See the Way Forward - Martin Wiles

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. Romans 8:28 NLT

Just trust God, and everything will work out for the good.

The Porters were college friends with whom we had a common bond: we were both from South Carolina. They also had two children who were close in age to our two. One of which was our daughter’s “boyfriend.”

As so often happens, we lost track of them after graduation. Several years later, I received devastating news: their daughter had been killed. She was riding a bicycle, which was a little too large for her, rolled into the path of an oncoming truck, was struck, and died from the impact. Our family was stunned … and heartbroken. When I called to express my sympathies, the mom, with a broken voice, said, “We’re just trusting God to get us through this.”

I’ve heard enough religious platitudes in my lifetime to fill a small book. Some of them biblical, some not. Some well-timed, some ill-timed. But telling someone to trust God and that everything will work out for the good is true. But how, when, and where we say it, we must carefully consider.

Everything that comes into our lives won’t be good. I’ve experienced enough regretful things to fill a book. And actually, they have. Several, in fact. Having good things happen consistently wouldn’t necessarily make me trust God more. When things go well all the time, I tend to trust myself rather than God. Bad things turn my focus on him. Some turn a bitter focus, but others, me included, turn a longing focus. A longing to know why and how I should respond.

As I look back on the unfortunate things I’ve experienced, I also see how God brought good from them. The lessons I learned from correctly responding are innumerable. My trust in God rose, as did my faith. Since the consequences of bad events tend to hang around, sometimes for years, I’ve been able to continually see God bringing good things from bad circumstances.

God is a good God who wants us to experience good things—even if they have to come through unpleasant circumstances.

Trust God to manufacture good out of the bad times in your life.

Father, I have faith that you will turn the bad in my life into good that will spur me on to spiritual growth and bring glory to your name.

I invite you to try my book Grits, Grace, and God in eBook or paperback. If you want a daily dose of God's grace, this book is for you. Click on the title above to order your copy. And thanks to all our faithful followers who share our posts on Facebook, Twitter, and Linkedin.

God Just Wanted Another Angel - Martin Wiles

Series: The Things We Say

Precious in the sight of the LORD Is the death of His saints. Psalm 116:15 NKJV

Communication is an art—and difficult to master.

Life is never easy when parents lose an infant or young child. Though I’ve never said it, I’ve been in the presence of others who said to grieving parents, “God just wanted another angel in heaven.” 

Every time I hear the sentence, I cringe and wonder what it means to the hearer. Do they think God is so capricious that He’d kill their child so He could add another angel to His force—as if He needs more? He has legions at His disposal. While the speaker is trying their best to give comfort in a difficult situation, they probably failed.

The above translation makes it sound as if God gets some sort of weird pleasure when Christians die. A more modern translation makes it plainer: "The LORD cares deeply when his loved ones die."

Trying to comfort someone who has lost a child can be better accomplished by avoiding such a statement. Not only could it give them a wrong conception of God, but it could also lead them down an incorrect theological road. 

Telling someone God needed another angel in heaven implies that we become angels when we die—which the Bible never states.

In correcting the religious leaders’ views about relationships in heaven, Jesus tells them there will be no marrying in heaven because we will be like the angels in heaven. He doesn’t say we will be angels. Just that angels don’t marry and neither will we.

This saying is one among many used when trying to comfort a grieving person. Situations vary, and it can be challenging to know what to say—which is why it’s better not to say anything sometime. Just be there.

Give a hug instead of a statement. Spend a night. Prepare a meal. Get them some groceries. Go pay a bill. Take their other children for an outing. Call friends for them. 

The old adage is true: “Actions speak louder than words.” 

And they may very well give the comfort we’re trying to give better than our words. 

Learn to think before you speak when trying to comfort those who are grieving. 

Prayer: Father, give us wisdom to use the right words when we are comforting those who have suffered loss. 

Looking for a wide selection of genres in Christian books at discount prices? Use coupon MWiles for 20% off. Click here to see selections.

Thanks to all our faithful followers who are "sharing" our posts--please keep it up! We also invite you to follow and like us on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter. Help us spread God's encouragement through his love lines.