Defining Marriage Part 3 - Martin Wiles

And further, you will submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:21 NLT

“If he wasn’t a preacher, I’d divorce him.”

Martha had been a pastor’s wife longer than she cared to remember. In fact, it seemed like a lifetime. She and John had only been married seven years when he informed her God was calling him into the ministry. She hadn’t bargained for a lifetime of being a preacher’s wife, but what choice did she have? She could leave. That would go against everything she’d been taught about sticking with your spouse through thick and thin. Instead, she chose to stay in spite of the many aggravations she had to endure: a husband who worked continuously, church members who were backstabbers and complainers, and children who rebelled against having to move from place to place every few years.

Successful marriages take mutual submission.

For Martha, staying with John was one of those submissions. There have been historical periods when women had no rights and did what their husbands said without question. Society might have accepted that; God never intended it to be that way. Telling his listeners that husbands and wives should submit to one another was a radical statement in Paul’s day. One-sided submission makes for miserable marriages.

God has established guidelines for the marriage partners.

Children should obey their parents. Wives should honor their husband’s God-given spiritual authority. Men should step up to the plate and lead. They must love their wives as Christ did the church—enough to die for them. Marriages are successful when we obey God’s guidelines—whether or not society recognizes or endorses them.

Marriage is a picture of Christ and the church.

The church is the bride of Christ. Believers submit to Him. He is our head. He promises to care for our every need and never to leave us. Christian marriages reflect the salvation connection to unbelievers.

Marriage is not for everyone.

Some have the gift of celibacy—singleness. And according to Paul, they have more time to serve God. Playing matchmaker is only a good idea if we’re sure the one we’re matching up is supposed to be matched up according to God’s plan for them.

When God is at the center of marriages, success is possible. Put Him there and see what happens to yours.

Father, I commit my marriage to You. Make it strong so that I might enjoy the partner You have given me. 

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Defining Marriage Part 2 - Martin Wiles

I say that a man who divorces his wife, unless she has been unfaithful, causes her to commit adultery. Matthew 5:32 NLT

He looked at me with a serious face and said, “I don’t check my email.”

He was an acquaintance I’d recently met. Our church was going through a transformation process, and he was the initial contact to get the ball rolling. When I asked if I could email him, he said yes but that his wife checked his emails before he saw them. If it was something he needed, she forwarded it to him. This was his choice, not hers. Then he confessed. He had been trapped by pornography on the Internet. Knowing his weakness, he voluntarily chose to leave alone what he knew could destroy his marriage: lust.

Marriage is serious but not a sacrament.

We experience God’s grace in our marriages, but they have no bearing on our relationship with Christ or our eternity in heaven. While God blesses marriages, they don’t save souls eternally.

Sexual activity should be reserved for marriage and with one’s partner.

God calls a violation of this in any form or fashion fornication and adultery. Jesus says if we even look at someone of the opposite sex with lust we’ve been unfaithful in our hearts, even if we haven’t committed an act. Christians have the privilege of demonstrating godly attitudes about sexual relationships through our marriages.

Marriage is for pleasure and procreation.

Adam was sad when there was no one like him. After God married the couple, He told them to populate the earth. Pleasure and procreation. Having children is wonderful but nurturing the relationship with our partner—who will be around when the kids are gone—is vitally important as well.

Marriage is a union of body, soul, and spirit.

God says a man and woman become one through marriage. No longer is it just about our wants, desires, and dreams. We have a partner to consider. Soul refers to the mind, will, and emotions. We are joined to our partner in these areas as well. When both partners are believers, they are also joined in spirit. God’s Spirit lives in both. They operate from a common foundation and can take a journey with God together.

Enjoy the partner God has given you and serve Him together.

Father, thank You for giving me a partner to journey through life with. 

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Defining Marriage Part 1 - Martin Wiles

This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one. Genesis 3:24 NLT

Definitions of marriage are changing.

The senior pastor of a prominent church in South Carolina once commented, “There’s no family value system in the Bible that we would lay into the 21st century. We don’t have two wives and sleep with our maids and have a bunch of children and that be fine. What we believe about marriage and family is culturally driven, not biblically driven” (emphasis mine).

Sadly, many define marriage by what society says it should be and disregard what God says. Mostly, I was fortunate enough to observe healthy marriages in my family. Grandparents who were married to the same partner for a lifetime. Parents who followed suit. I watched them face difficulties and strongholds and yet hold fast. I’ve also watched many marriages in my family disintegrate—some for good reasons and others for not-so-good reasons. Physical abuse versus “I’m just tired of you as my partner.”

God performed the first marriage in the Garden of Eden. After naming the animals, Adam found none other like himself. God recognized Adam’s loneliness wasn’t good, so He created a woman and performed the first marriage. A man and a woman placed in a pristine environment and given the challenge to populate the earth.

Marriage is God’s idea.

Since marriage is God’s idea, we must pay attention to what He says about it rather than what society might say.

Marriage is a significant institution.

Couples who enter it with the “If it doesn’t work out, we’ll get a divorce” set themselves up for failure from the beginning.

Ending a marriage is a serious decision.

Saying the “I do’s” with the intent of staying together through thick and thin strengthens the marriage from the beginning. Jesus permitted ending a marriage for unfaithfulness—but it doesn’t have to even then. Many marriages survive unfaithfulness if the couple will sacrifice and work diligently. What God puts together shouldn’t be ended on a whim. Only serious and dangerous issues should terminate it.

Find ways to keep Satan from stealing the joy and permanency God intends for your marriage.

Father, give us strength to do what’s necessary to have a strong marriage. 

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